Famous Horror Movies, Reviewed In 2020
Friday the 13th
Mildly creepy. The most disturbing part is having to watch only one person wear a mask for two hours. My nerves were shot.
Nightmare On Elm Street
Totally felt this one. My dreams have been deranged and have felt so real since March that this almost felt like a documentary. I also relate to the guy wearing the same dirty sweater every day. Pretty much me.
The Exorcist
All parents can relate. Being at home alone all day and night with a child who turns into a demon is peak 2020. Loved this one. Relatable, cathartic, and so timely. Maybe I should stage an exorcism? I’ll try anything.
The Purge
This one scared the living hell out of me, mainly because if you-know-who loses and the militias come out, the murderous syndicate in this movie will emerge from the backwoods and confine us all to our homes, and we have been home ENOUGH.
It
Pennywise used to scare me, but no more. It’s 2020. We have bigger worries than terrifying homicidal clowns. Please.
Get Out
The Karens in this movie scared the shit out of me.
Jaws
A blue ocean, white sand, and a lively beach? This was such a relaxing escape. I miss vacations so much, I’m willing to get maimed by a giant great white if it means I can have five minutes on a sunny beach. The shark was a minor problem. The people in this movie were a bunch of babies. At least they could hang out in a crowd!
The Stepford Wives
How these filmmakers predicted the horrors of white suburban female Trump supporters is beyond me. Truly chilling.
The Birds
We have murder hornets, so apologies to Hitchcock, but the premise seemed quaint.
Contagion
Been watching this one on CNN since March. It’s a long fucking movie.