I told partner about emotional affair with co-worker and now he wants paternity test for our son
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS forced to tell my partner about my affair, as my secret man’s wife was threatening to turn up at my home and tell him herself.
Even though we haven’t had sex or even kissed properly, we’ve fallen deeply in love with each other — this is an emotional affair.
My lover is my co-worker and we’re both deeply unhappy with our home lives.
I’m 32, my partner’s 33. We have been together for five years and have a seven-month-old son.
My secret lover has treated me better in the past year than my partner ever has.
My partner buys gift cards for women online because he thinks he’s going to have some fun with them. He’s been doing it for years.
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When I brought it up he said it’s because he doesn’t get anything from me.
I am so exhausted looking after our son and working that I haven’t been interested in sex.
It doesn’t end there — my partner doesn’t help me financially, either.
He changes our son’s nappies and sometimes feeds him but that’s it.
He gives me his share of the rent and refuses to contribute any more.
I buy everything for our son. I was pregnant before this other man started working at the pub where I do bar work but my partner is still insisting on a paternity test.
I didn’t want to be a single mum but planned on leaving my partner when I was ready.
I didn’t want to have to mention this other man. It is such a mess.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This man is married, so while he has declared his love for you, unless he is fully committed to leave I’m afraid he is not free to be with you.
I’m sending you my support pack Your Lover Not Free? which explains more.
Talk to your partner and explain why you were tempted to form a relationship with someone else.
If you want to make your relationship work you will both need to put in the effort because it is dying from neglect.
Try to have a calm talk with your partner and ask him to be the loving, involved dad your son needs.
Being a single parent feels over-whelming but a stable home is better than the unhappy house you all inhabit currently.
Fathers are financially responsible for their children so it is worth proving parentage.
Fight for child maintenance as your son deserves all the support he can get (gov.uk/child-maintenance-service, 0800 171 2345).