Things TikTok Could Pivot to So Congress Would Leave It Alone
Change the name from TikTok to “Student Loan Debt”
Become a series of collapsing bridges
Turn into the Section 8 housing waitlist
Enroll in a Title 1 school
Get into the predatory lending business
Become an ectopic pregnancy in Texas
Buy up houses and then let them sit vacant in order to drive up housing costs by creating false scarcity
Transform into a high medical bill
Become the federal minimum wage
Walk into an elementary school with an assault rifle