Harriette Cole: I’d get more pay with this new job, but I worry about the employer

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for a freelancer who has a lot of clients. One of these clients recently offered me a job, separate from the work I do for my current boss.

The pay would be more than what I make now. My boss has shared how difficult the client can be.

I am conflicted as to whether or not it would be considered betrayal of my current boss if I take the job offer. I feel like if I take the job, it might create tension between us, and I was hoping to remain friends with my boss after my departure.

I also don’t particularly wish to deal with a difficult employer, having watched my boss struggle with this person firsthand.

What should my next step be?

Conflicted

DEAR CONFLICTED: Beware the client who tries to poach an employee. Unless this client spoke to your boss and asked for their blessing to hire you, it would be considered an ethical violation for them to try to steal you from your current job. Your boss would likely feel betrayed, and your relationship would surely suffer.

If this potential new employer sees nothing wrong with doing that, what can you expect from how they might treat you?

If you really want the job, you should speak to your boss and lay out your cards. Reveal that this person has offered you a job with a much higher salary, and ask for your boss’s opinion. If you include your boss as a confidant, you will gain further insight about this person, and you will demonstrate that you value your boss’s opinion.

In the end, you have to make your own decision, but nothing you have said about this potential new employer sounds promising except the money. In my book, money is not enough.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked with a woman more than 10 years ago. We liked each other a lot, but we didn’t really stay in touch.

I saw on social media that her husband had passed away. I remember how close they were. I’m sure she is devastated.

I want to reach out to her, but the only way I know how to connect to her is through social media. Is that insensitive at a time like this? I want to send her a note. Other people have been writing on her timeline, but I imagine they are in closer touch with her than I am.

Do you think it would be OK to wish her well through this somewhat impersonal means of communication? I am old-school and would like to send a card, but I don’t know where to send it.

Expressing Condolences

DEAR EXPRESSING CONDOLENCES: Yes, you can send a note on social media. You can write something simple and heartfelt in the thread where others are writing.

You can also send a separate message in the main feed, or you can use the direct message feature to send a note to her that only she can see. Included in a direct message, you can add that you would like to send her a proper card if she will share her address with you. Do not make that request in the public feed, as you want to protect her privacy.

If she is receiving many messages, she may not see yours at first. Be patient.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.