Handwritten notes found at Lucy Letby’s home said ‘No one will ever understand’
A series of handwritten notes found at the home of suspected killer nurse Lucy Letby have been released.
Letby, 33, denies murdering seven babies and trying to kill 10 others while working on the Countess of Chester Hospital’s neo-natal unit between June 2015 and June 2016.
She was first arrested at her three-bedroom home in Westbourne Road, Chester, in July 2018.
Among items recovered were a diary, a post-it note, and several scraps of paper covered with closely scrawled words, sentences, and drawings.
Jurors have heard the 2016 diary contained the initials of babies she is accused of attacking next to the dates they are said to have taken place.
On a green post-it note was written: ‘I don’t deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them’, ‘I am a horrible evil person’ and in capital letters ‘I am evil I did this’.
An A4-size piece of paper containing similarly jumbled handwritten notes was also found in the diary, the court heard.
One sentence read: ‘I killed them. I don’t know if I killed them. Maybe I did. Maybe this is down to me.’
The words ‘kill me’ written in bold and circled could also be seen.
Others appeared incoherent but two phrases repeatedly used were ‘Please help me’ and ‘I can’t do it any more’, the court heard.
One sentence read: ‘No one will ever understand or appreciate what it’s like’, while another said: ‘I want someone to help me but they can’t so what’s the point in asking. Hate my life.’
Names of some of her colleagues also appeared in the notes – partly redacted – including a declaration of love for a doctor who cannot be identified for legal reasons.
Next to his name was written the words ‘I loved you’ and ‘my best friend’.
Letby was re-arrested at her parents’ home in Hereford in June 2019 and November 2020.
She denies all the allegations.
Her barrister Ben Myers KC has told jurors the post-it note was the ‘anguished outpouring of a young woman’.
He said Letby was at the time ‘in fear and despair when she realises the enormity of what’s being said about her’.
The trial continues.
Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at webnews@metro.co.uk.
For more stories like this, check our news page.