I work with my lover and his wife but I wouldn’t recommend it
DEAR DEIDRE: MY life has been dreadful since my lover’s wife found out about our affair.
We all work together, and to say that things are awkward would be an understatement.
I’m 32, he’s 46 and his wife is 42.
Our affair began two years ago when I started my job as a receptionist in a new hotel.
He was the manager of the department, so we got to know each other pretty quickly.
While I was attracted to him, I gave it no second thought as I knew he was married to one of the bar managers.
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Everything changed the night we went to a work do. His wife had to stay home to look after their kids.
He was flirting with me all night and kept touching my hands and arms at every opportunity.
After a few too many drinks we shared a taxi home and couldn’t resist getting intimate.
From then on we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and have spent the last two years sneaking around.
We were being careful but his wife still found out.
I expected him to end his marriage then and there but instead he broke things off with me and said they were going to “work it out”.
After that, he blocked me and ever since then he has been so rude to me, and refuses to even look me in the eye.
To make matters worse his wife has started spreading nasty rumours about me among the staff.
I dread going into work to hear the whispers in the corridor.
I know this is all my fault but I feel helpless and I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: In time you will see that ending this relationship was the best thing for you both.
Unfortunately, men like this rarely leave their wives. The longer the affair lasted, the longer he would have held you back.
He has treated you like second best and you are worth more than that.
Read my support pack Moving On, to help you take some steps forward.
Blocking you and being rude to you must be incredibly hurtful but will hopefully assure you that you are far better off without this man.
It takes two to tango and you were both responsible for your actions.
If it continues, speak to somebody above you at work who can help neutralise the situation.