My married lover won’t leave his wife after years together – now I think I’ve been taken for a mug
DEAR DEIDRE: MY married lover told me his marriage was dead and that he and his wife were simply waiting for their daughter to leave home before they separated.
But after five years of waiting for him, I’m worried I’ve been taken for a complete mug.
Their family dog died recently and he’s started looking for a new puppy to cheer up his daughter and wife.
Surely buying a puppy is a huge commitment and not the behaviour of someone who is planning to leave and start a new life imminently.
This is killing me and has made me question everything.
I don’t know whether to trust him when he says we can be together soon.
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I am a 42-year-old single mum.
I left an abusive marriage six years ago and quickly got together with my lover. He’s 45.
We met on my birthday and I was out with a couple of girlfriends.
He was very charming and insisted on buying us all cocktails to help celebrate my birthday.
But it was the intense way he looked at me that made me realise he was interested.
He told me right from the beginning that he was unhappily married with a 17-year-old daughter he adored.
Then he whispered in my ear that he wanted to see me again.
We started an intense affair soon after and the sex was absolutely incredible. He’s the most generous lover I’ve ever known.
When we’re together, everything feels so perfect and he’s even met my ten-year-old son and gets on brilliantly with him.
But I feel so lonely when he’s with his family.
So is he just using his daughter as an excuse to stay with his wife.
Lately all he does is argue with me.
I suffer with anxiety and depression since my abusive relationship.
This situation is not fair on my son either. I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover’s marriage might be empty and boring, but he shows no signs of leaving his wife.
Buying a puppy only bears this out.
You can find someone to love you who is free to be with you – it’s what you deserve.
But first you have to end this affair.
It will be tough, but you have no future together.
Improve your social life, get out there and meet men who are free.
My support pack Your Lover Not Free explains more.