I don’t feel the same about my boyfriend after drunken sex with him and three of his mates
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD drunken sex with my boyfriend and three of his mates. He said it would be exciting but the whole thing was a blur.
I’m a student at university, which is where I met my fella. I’m 20 now and he is 23.
He was my first sexual partner.
Our relationship was great, but last month he admitted getting bored in the bedroom and suggested inviting one of his friends to join us.
He knows I’m not very liberated so I was surprised by his bold request.
I thought I made it clear I wasn’t comfortable, but he kept pressuring me and, because I love him so much, I agreed to do it.
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I wasn’t ready for what happened, though. He brought back three guys from the bar where he works. We started playing spin the bottle.
We all had a lot to drink and I recall everyone laughing, but then things took a turn.
The next thing I remember I was on the bed, having sex with one while the other watched and so on. I feel so ashamed.
The weekend after, I travelled home for a week to my parents to try to forget that night.
That was two months ago and I’m still thinking about it. I used to go into the bar where my partner works. Now I hate the thought of it.
My boyfriend doesn’t pressure me to have group sex any more, but I now don’t feel the same about him.
I told a friend and she said I must have enjoyed feeling wanted by so many men — but I’m just so lost.
Why do I feel like that? I’m so confused.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If you were so drunk you were incapable of consenting, then I’m afraid to say you were raped.
If this was the case, you can find help and emotional support through Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk, tel: 0808 802 9999).
If, however, you were a little drunk and can remember consenting, then that’s different.
Casual sex with strangers can bring sexual health risks and stir up all kinds of emotions.
Drinking excess alcohol means you lose the capacity to make your own decisions, so cut back on binges and build your self-esteem through activities you can be proud of.
Your partner should be looking out for you, not taking advantage of any vulnerability.
Please consider carefully whether this man is long-term relationship material.