Someone's got to put an end to the Musk vs. Zuck billionaire 'dick measuring contest' before Elon gets his ruler out

• Elon Musk is proposing a "dick measuring contest." 
• Yep, versus Mark Zuckerberg. 
• No one needs to see this.

Someone, please, make it stop. 

Twitter user @elonmusk, who happens to own the social media platform, took to the interwebs on Sunday night to do what some men might have done in the wild days of their riotous, unbridled youth: Suggest a "dick measuring contest." 

Yep, complete with a ruler emoji and all. 

—Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 10, 2023

And the competitor Musk wants to measure up to? None other than jiu-jitsu enthusiast Mark Zuckerberg, Meta founder and the target of Musk's ire long before Threads launched. 

It's unclear what sparked the sudden interest on Musk's part in whipping out a ruler to quash his Zuckerberg beef. But Musk was tweeting about penises an awful lot over the weekend, so maybe he had his own measurements in mind.

It's worth noting that this contest is nothing more than a proposal so far, and Zuck, as of press time, has not responded. But the cage match Musk suggested in June also started out as a joke — at least until Zuckerberg took the bait and asked Musk to send over the location for fight night. No concrete details have been firmed up for the fight, though a pay-per-view Zuck-man vs. Chief Twit brawl is far preferable to the genuinely heinous folly Musk is now suggesting.  

Should Zuck decide to throw down his fly — and given how high he must be on the launch of Threads right now, there's no guarantee he won't — someone, anyone, would really need to step in. Is this our future? Billionaires, unbound by laws, sending us pictures of their hogs? This aggression cannot stand.

Perhaps there could be a rational referee — maybe Maye Musk, who's been trying to prevent her son from throwing down with Zuckerberg in the Vegas Octagon — to end this madness? She's been known to scold her son occasionally, so maybe she can make him see reason where no one else can.

Good luck, Momma Musk; you're the hero we need in this darkest of timelines.