My cheating ex sends me the most crazy texts from her lover’s bed
DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE she was in bed with her new lover, my cheating ex-girlfriend sent me a message saying how much she misses me.
She claims she has made a huge mistake and wants us to try again. I’m so hurt and confused.
We were together for six years. I’m 39 and she’s 36.
I had no idea anything was wrong in our relationship until two months ago when, one evening over dinner, she just came out and told me she was unhappy.
I was shocked. I truly hadn’t seen it coming.
She said our relationship had grown stale and boring — especially in the bedroom — and that she couldn’t see herself being with me for the rest of her life.
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I said if that’s how she felt, she should pack her stuff, leave and not come back.
But I didn’t really want her to go. I was trying to call her bluff and make her change her mind so we could sort things out.
I also didn’t think she’d have anywhere to stay. However, she took me at my word and left a couple of hours later.
The next day, I heard from a mutual friend that she’d been cheating on me with some guy from work. As soon as she left, she’d moved in with him.
Since then, I’ve been absolutely heartbroken.
Over the past few weeks, she’s been messaging me saying she still loves and misses me and that she has made a mistake.
She even says it’s my fault she left and moved in with him — she wanted to sort things out but I forced her hand.
Some of these messages are sent in the early hours, when she must be in bed with her lover. That really stings. I don’t know what to do.
Should I give her another chance?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Cheating doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship. If you love each other and want to try again, you may be able to make things work.
The crux of the matter is whether you can resolve whatever was making her so unhappy before – and if you can forgive her for cheating.
You say you had no idea things weren’t right, but sometimes we unconsciously avoid seeing the signs.
You both need to take responsibility for the relationship going wrong.
I suggest you arrange to meet her and talk, somewhere neutral. Try to stay calm.
My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, should help.