Harriette Cole: My girlfriend’s teeth have me worried

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a dental hygienist, I have been trained to pay close attention to specific signs that may indicate certain dental problems. Unfortunately, I have started to notice some troubling signs in my girlfriend’s teeth, and I suspect she’s struggling with an eating disorder. The signs are unmistakable.

I don’t know how to bring it up to her; I don’t want to sound accusatory or pushy, but at the same time, I am worried about her well-being. How do I mention my observation without offending her?

Trained Hygienist

DEAR TRAINED HYGIENIST: Rather than accusing your girlfriend based on your training, talk to her and get a sense of what’s going on. Have you observed any behaviors that indicate that she has an eating disorder? If so, bring that up.

It is true that people with eating disorders can be good at hiding their illness. If that is the case with your girlfriend, you can ask her directly. She will likely recoil and ask why you would make such an accusation. That’s when you can reveal that you see evidence of the disorder in her teeth.

Offer to get her help, but know that people accept help only when they are ready for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece is enrolled in her third college in three years, and I am nervous that she is wasting her time and money.

She started off at a school in Texas playing soccer. After many issues with her coach and teammates, she decided not to play for them the next school year and ended up leaving the college. She moved back to our home state of Ohio and went to a community college but decided it was too small for her. Now she is at our state school, and it seems as if she will stick it out.

However, she still doesn’t know what she wants to do and may have to stay three more years at this school because her credits haven’t transferred completely.

I understand that she’s young and still figuring things out, but six years for a bachelor’s degree is irresponsible, in my opinion.

Her parents don’t seem bothered by all the money that her indecisiveness has cost them, but I feel as if I should say something to her, so hopefully she won’t continue to live her life this way. Should I say something or keep quiet?

Take School Seriously

DEAR TAKE SCHOOL SERIOUSLY: If you think your niece will hear you, it’s worth a try to talk to her. Do your best to speak without judgment, though. It will be hard for her to listen if she thinks you don’t respect her.

Instead of criticizing her decisions directly, ask her what she wants to do with her life. What are her interests? What type of work does she want to do long-term? Encourage her to get a part-time job while she is studying. That will help her to develop the discipline of working and may help her to think about her choices.

College works for students when they take it seriously and figure out a plan for their lives. Encourage your niece to talk to her adviser, who can help her map out a strategy for the future.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.