My caring new boyfriend gave me herpes and I feel so ashamed
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS so happy to finally get a boyfriend at 23, but now I’ve discovered he has given me genital herpes and I’m devastated.
I’ve had plenty of flings but never managed a long-term relationship until recently.
My boyfriend is 25 and the loveliest man who always seemed so caring.
Recently I had a blistery rash develop around my genital area and it was painful when I peed. I began to feel run down.
After confiding in my mum, she made an appointment for me at the sexual health clinic.
I was diagnosed with genital herpes, which had to come from my boyfriend as I had only slept with two other men and I’d always been very careful to practise safe sex.
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I confronted him, initially accusing him of cheating but the truth was just as hurtful.
He’d known he had herpes all along. How could he do this to me?
He confessed he contracted it when he was 21. He had so many opportunities to tell me and even then he could have worn protection.
I put my trust in him and he betrayed me. I’ve always wanted children, what if I can’t now?
He’s been calling me every day but I can’t face him. I feel ashamed.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t feel ashamed. It’s not your fault. Seven out of ten people have caught at least one type of herpes by the age of 25.
I’m afraid there is no cure for genital herpes although the symptoms do clear up by themselves.
Having genital herpes does not affect fertility but talk to your healthcare specialists when you want to conceive.
For comprehensive advice contact the Herpes Virus Association (herpes.org.uk).
Although it doesn’t justify keeping his sexual status from you, your partner was likely scared he would lose you.
As long as you practise safe sex, it is entirely possible to enjoy a healthy and happy relationship.
Give yourself some time before you decide whether you want to give your boyfriend another chance but make it crystal clear if he lets you down again, you will walk away.