My ex-wife cheated so why am I the one on the sofa?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex cheated on me with a neighbour, and although I tried hard to forgive her, I eventually called time on our relationship.
Now I’m on the sofa and panicking over how I will make ends meet.
I’m 34, she’s 32, and we have a gorgeous three-year-old daughter.
It’s been a terrible year. I was devastated to come home early one day and find a male neighbour on my sofa. My girlfriend said he’d popped in to help her open the loft.
But I could tell something underhand was going on by the shifty way he wouldn’t look at me and left as quickly as he could.
Eventually she admitted they had started having sex in our lounge while I was at work and our daughter was at nursery.
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She said it had only happened a couple of times because she was lonely and I worked too much.
But months later, I discovered it had been going on for over a year. Soon after, one of her friends let slip she’d had another fling months after our daughter was born.
We’ve been together for 12 years but I decided enough was enough and called it a day for my own mental health.
I don’t hate her and we both want to stay friends.
Financially we need to live together, and sometimes share a bed as our house is having building work done.
It’s difficult to still be living under the same roof. She doesn’t seem to want to get the building work finished and is dragging it out.
But I’m stuck in limbo and just want to move on.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You made the right decision to leave as your relationship was affecting your mental health.
But sadly financial realities are holding you back. Your current situation is confusing for all, especially your daughter who will feel the tension between you.
I’m sending my support pack When Parents Fall Out which will help you to understand her feelings.
As you are sure you want to split, you need to draw a line under your past relationship. It’s time to make finishing the building work a priority, and find a plan so you can get on with your lives.
Talking to someone, explained in my support pack on counselling, will also help you work out how to move forward.
If you need it, you can get advice from the homelessness charity Shelter about your housing options after a relationship breakdown.