My bridesmaid has caused nothing but chaos
DEAR DEIDRE: ASKING my cousin to be my bridesmaid has been an absolute disaster and she’s managed to split the whole family with her divisive ways.
Initially we fell out over the bridesmaid’s dress because she refused to attend an appointment with me to choose her dress and insisted her mum went instead.
I’m 28 and she’s 26. She picked a dress I hadn’t seen and which I wouldn’t have chosen. I felt cut out of the whole process, betrayed and angry that she hadn’t involved me.
Now she has said she won’t come to the wedding, and her parents – my aunt and uncle – won’t either. They nevertheless remain close to my parents.
Now I don’t want my mum and dad to share any details about our day, or our future lives together, with them. But I don’t know how to ask my parents to do the right thing.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Whatever the reason for the fall out, you felt let down and now she won’t come to the wedding at all.
Despite everything, your aunt and uncle have remained friends with your parents.
I know you feel your mum and dad should have stuck up for you more, but you can’t control what other people say or do, even if it hurts you.
All you can change is how you react.
They also have their own independent dynamic with these close relatives so they will feel stuck between both parties.
It would be best to let your parents know you feel let down by your cousin and her parents but you understand they have their own separate relationship with them.
You can say you’d rather not hear about them and hope your parents won’t share details of your life in return.
For your own sake it would be best to move on. My support pack Rows With Friends may help