Joe Biden’s Birthday Cake Was a Fire Hazard

President Joe Biden had a rockin’ birthday on Monday. First, he got to pardon two turkeys and somehow managed to confuse Taylor Swift for Britney Spears in the process. That evening, he got to ring in 81 with a cake. An old man eating birthday cake is probably one of the safest things that can happen, and yet the president somehow turned it into the scariest photo he’s ever taken.

Look at that thing. What the hell? The blaze from your birthday candles should never be the main lighting source for your photo. What you see here is the president grasping at the table out of total fear, which makes sense because a cake is on fire in front of him.

President Biden survived the evening, even though the chances of the White House burning down were the highest since the War of 1812. His social-media manager even had a little fun, writing in the Instagram caption, “Turns out on your 146th birthday, you run out of space for candles!” Get it? He’s ancient. If the social-media person is a true patriot, they’ll release the video of Biden trying to blow out the inferno. It’s probably really funny and could be the thing that heals the nation.