Resolve to improve your relationship with adult children | Opinion

With the start of 2024, we promise to do better in the new year. Along with losing weight (again), getting back to the gym or spending less money, how about resolving to improve your relationship with your grown children?

Here are 10 tips to get you started:

1. Respect their privacy. No matter how curious you are about your daughter or son’s private life, don’t ask too many questions. They will tell you what they want you to know when they want you to know it.
2. Dream your own dreams. What you wish for your child may not be what he or she might want for themselves. Have your dreams and respect theirs.
3. Let go of the controls. Don’t attempt to fix their problems. Let them figure out their own mistakes. Independence breeds confidence. Be proud of their accomplishments, both big and small, and tell them often.
4. Cut yourself some slack. While raising your children, you did the best at the time you did it. No parent is perfect. If they complain, don’t play defense to their blame game. Adult children can either marinate in what was, or write a positive script for what can be.
5. Keep busy. Parents with active, fulfilling lives don’t rely on their children for company. This takes the stress off those who feel responsible for their parents’ happiness.
6. Take a hint. Acknowledge that your advice may not be wanted. When their eyes roll up in their heads, or tell you that they gotta go (their way to end a conversation) back off and move on. Sometimes all your child wants is a sensitive ear and someone to validate their feelings. If so, take the cotton out of your ears and put it into your mouth.
7. Clarify needs. Recognize the difference between your need to be needed and your child’s need for your help.
8. Avoid playing the guilt card. Keeping adult children connected with guilt will increase distance and resentment.
9. Lower your expectations. Relationships with your adult children can ebb and flow over time. Some days are better than other days. Don’t hang on to every negative word or incident. Expectations are premeditated resentments.
10. Ask for forgiveness. No one is kind, loving and thoughtful all the time. If you said something hurtful, acknowledge it and apologize. Be patient. It might take time to be forgiven. Forgive readily.

Bea Lewis is a journalist and author in Boynton Beach. She recently published “101 Tried and True Tips to Get Along with Your Adult Children, Their Spouses and Other Aliens,’’ which is available on Amazon. Contact her at Beaclewis@gmail.com.