How I Went 0 for 10 in My Super Bowl Prop Bets
1. Will Reba McEntire end the National Anthem by calling for a ceasefire? YES
2. Will the team kicking off first use a holder who will yank the ball away from the kicker at the last second to honor the eve of the twenty-fourth anniversary of Charles M. Schulz’s death? YES
3. Will my wife cry at the Dove commercial? NO
4. Will I cry at the Carl Weathers commercial… and the Dove commercial? NO
5. Will Usher’s “ABC Song” from Sesame Street be part of the halftime show? YES
6. Will Joe Alwyn suit up for the 49ers in a last-ditch attempt to win her back? YES
7. Will the Roman numerals be changed to binary for Super Bowl 111010? YES
8. Will the first serious injury occur in an identical manner to when I try to stand up from the couch too quickly? NO
9. Will the first touchdown pass be thrown in an identical manner to when I try to play catch with my cousins at Thanksgiving? NO
10. Will the overtime coin toss land on its side and give the referee telepathy like that Twilight Zone episode with Dick York? YES