My boyfriend won’t give up his bolt hole
DEAR DEIDRE: Whenever we argue, my boyfriend storms out and goes to stay at his old house.
He won’t give up his room in shared accommodation, and it’s making me doubt our future together.
I’m 25 and he’s 26. We’ve been in a relationship for three years. When we met he was living with friends. He moved in with me a year ago and promised to ditch his old room. But he hasn’t done it.
He says he doesn’t want to leave his friends in the lurch. But they could find someone else easily.
I hate that he runs away from disagreements rather than working things through with me. And the fact he’s still paying rent elsewhere means he doesn’t pay his share in our flat.
I’ve told him I’ve had enough and he needs to choose between our relationship and his room and housemates. He says I’m bullying him and he’ll give it up when he’s ready.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Moving in together is supposed to be a sign of commitment.
By keeping his old room and fleeing there when things get tricky, your boyfriend is showing he’s not ready – or willing – to have a grown-up relationship.
Perhaps it’s time for a proper ultimatum, one that you carry through: Either he hands in his notice for his room, or it’s over between you and he can go back there permanently.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you have this conversation.