I’ve let people walk all over me for all my life – but I want to be stronger
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M a 55-year-old man and all my life I’ve let other people walk all over me.
Whether it’s arguments with my wife, disagreements with my family, or even problems at work, I never manage to stand my ground.
People constantly take advantage of me and while I want to voice how I really feel, I struggle to speak up.
Now I’m in a sticky situation after a woman crashed into my car. I was parked when she drove into the back of me.
At the time I felt too weak to demand that she pay for the damage but now she’s made a claim against my insurance and I have no proof to counter it.
How do I constantly let things like this happen? All I want is to become a stronger person, but it feels impossible.
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READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Not everyone finds it easy to be assertive.
But being conflict averse or a people-pleaser means you actively avoid arguments and conflicts.
By not speaking up and bottling things, you will feel a rising sense of frustration. Instead of seeing issues as a potential conflict, reframe the conversation as a way to solve or progress the issue.
You don’t have to be aggressive, but stating your viewpoint is important to feel valued.
To raise your confidence start to practise saying “no” in low-key situations.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself explains more.