My partner of 12 years won’t propose to me
DEAR DEIDRE: I’m furious that my partner still hasn’t proposed after 12 years together.
We have three children together, and I’m starting to think it will never happen – even though he claims he wants to marry me, and is just waiting for the right moment.
I’m 42 and he’s 45. Our children are 10, 8 and 5.
Last week, we were having a silly row and I felt so angry and frustrated that I told him how I felt.
He said he wasn’t going to propose when I was so angry with him, and so clearly unhappy.
But he’s the one who is making me unhappy, and making me doubt his love and commitment to me.
And I don’t want him to propose because I forced him to; I want him to want to marry me!
It feels like we’re trapped in a vicious circle.
What can I do to solve this problem? It’s beginning to destroy our otherwise good relationship.
I’m even starting to think about leaving.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Marriage is clearly very important to you, as you’ve made plain to him.
But it sounds like he doesn’t understand why it matters to you or why you’re so hurt. And you don’t understand why he is so resistant to proposing.
You have a big communication problem.
In order to save your relationship, repair it and move forward, I’d recommend couples counselling. Contact Tavistock Relationships (www.tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1960).
My support pack on Counselling will tell you more about this.
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