Should We Stop Calling Kids 'Naughty'? I Asked A Child Psychologist
There’s been chatter of late about the word “naughty” and whether parents (and grandparents, childcare workers, etc) should be using it to describe children.
It all began when former newsreader and child counsellor Kate Silverton told the Netmums podcast about the “naughty” label and how kids can “internalise” the message. This can lead them to believe it’s who they are, which can lead to more tricky behaviour.
Silverton, who has written a parenting book called There’s No Such Thing As Naughty, said: “Every day they’re taking in messages from us, from their friends, from their teachers. And words carry such weight of meaning. ‘Stop being silly’, ‘You are so naughty’, He’s the naughty one’.
“And we all fall into that trap. But our children are paying very close attention to how we think of them. They are internalising, because, they don’t have that fully formed, rational brain.”
She continued: “It’s just a fallacy to call children naughty. They’re not making conscious choices for the majority of the time. They are driven by a very, very immature brain ... And I’d really like to change that language.”
Her comments have inspired a wave of opinions, including from Supernanny star Jo Frost, who said on social media the word naughty “isn’t inherently harmful” but added “it must be used with intention, clarity, and care”.
She gave the example of saying “that was naughty” to a child only works if followed by context, such as: “That was naughty behaviour because you hit your sister. In this family we value kindness not hurting.”
She continued: “You’re not labelling the child. You’re guiding the behaviour – and that distinction is vital.”
Her argument is that the word itself isn’t the problem, but rather when people use it “without explanation”.
She added: “When we remove language instead of teaching how to use it responsibly, we leave parents confused and children unclear.”
What does a psychologist think?
Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, clinical psychologist and founder of My Triage Network, told HuffPost UK: “The language we use with children matters – but context and tone are just as important.”
She explained there’s a big difference between a parent snapping ‘naughty’ in frustration after a child throws food in anger, and playfully using the word in a light, joking tone whilst smiling.
“That said, there’s truth in the concern that repeated use of the word ‘naughty’ can shape a child’s self-concept, especially if used harshly or frequently,” she said.
She added (similarly to Jo Frost) that this can be avoided when parents focus on the behaviour, rather than the child’s character.
Dr Tzotzoli said parents could instead say “that’s wasn’t helpful” or “this wasn’t a good choice” rather than the blanket – and pretty vague – statement of “you’re naughty”.
“This not only avoids shame but also preserves connection, fosters emotional safety, and promotes reflection,” she explained.
“In short, it supports a secure parent-child bond, which is essential for effective, long-term emotional regulation and cooperation.”
Well, now you know!