‘Must Be A Waymo,’ Bystanders Say Of Moron Stuck Backing Up In Alley For Half Hour

LOS ANGELES—Rolling their eyes and mocking the pathetic attempts to navigate the narrow space, passersby reportedly mumbled “Must be a Waymo” Monday while observing a local moron stuck backing up in an alley for half an hour. “These companies act like it’s only a matter of time before every car on the road is an autonomous vehicle, but this technology still can’t handle more complicated maneuvers,” bystander Gia Zelaya said of the panicking driver who had attempted the same three-point turn 10 times in row while barking “Fuck, fuck!” at himself. “These cars might do great in regular situations, but throw one unexpected scenario at them and they freeze. How stupid is this thing to try and make such a tight turn in a narrow alley, anyway? And it keeps robotically repeating the same couple moves over and over. You can see these cars don’t actually know how to think. I don’t know why this is even legal. They’re testing a dangerous technology on us. Maybe it will be ready in five or 10 years, but until then, I’ll stick with a human I can trust.” Witnesses watching the doofus with 12 infractions on his license scrape his bumper against the wall of the building admitted that while the Waymo’s pathfinding was suspect, they were impressed by the autonomous vehicle’s humanlike crying.

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