To Grandmother’s House We Go
Over the river and through the woods,
To Grandmother’s house we go;
At the airport on time, which is good cause the lines
Are moving super slow.
Over the river and through the screens
Then stuck at security
I’ve been patted down and thrown to the ground
Due to my lithium battery.
Over the river and through the woods
I’m looking around for food
Everything sucks and costs twenty bucks,
Guess I’ll just slam some booze.
Over the river at Hudson News
Flipping through the magazines
The book that I bought is a bit overwrought
With a dearth of good sex scenes.
Over the river, now on the tarmac
To Grandmother’s house we wait
The flight is delayed, our nerves are all frayed
As we taxi around the gate.
Over the river and very hungry now
The food cart scuttles past.
How incredibly rude that the smell of food
Only wafts in from first class.
Over the river and through the woods
My family’s in four different rows
My seatmate smells vile, and he puked in the aisle
Then I watched him clip his toes.
Over the river and through the woods
I tried to recline my seat
Then it was kicked, and I was called a dick
And the flight attendants all agreed.
Circling the river and stuck in the woods
Is that a storm I spied?
Attendants are gone, the seat belt light’s on,
We’re in for a bumpy ride.
Over the river and through the woods
My checked bag has disappeared
It has all my meds. I wish I were dead
When did flying get so weird?
Over the river and Ubering now
Oh Grandmother’s condo’s in sight!
Let’s give a cheer, the family’s all here…
Is it time for the return flight?