Tips for caregivers, families of people with dementia
Dear Cari: My dad won’t answer his old cell phone or our land line, so I bought one of those “simpler” phones for him. He’s refusing to try this one, won’t even touch it. Why is he being so stubborn?
A: With dementia, as the aging brain shrinks, no new cells replace those that die off. Here’s something important to realize: Dementia sufferers are not able to learn new things. Your dad is not necessarily stubborn; he is impaired by his disease. He may also be embarrassed by this difficulty. Please forget teaching him how to use new equipment. You must make the calls. Perhaps hold the phone for him. I always put the phone on speaker to make it easier.
Dear Cari: I’m starting to lose details in my everyday life. I know it’s age-related to forget things, but can you offer any tips to help build up my memory?
A: If you are already aware that your brain cells are starting to fall off, you’re fortunate you can spot this and work with what you have. We are told that as age continues, the brain matter continues to shrink or develop holes. This is inevitable. Help your brain stay as healthy as possible by taking good care of your physical condition. Exercise brings important blood flow to the brain. Do brain puzzles, of which there are dozens to choose. Stimulation is another great way to keep brain matter charged up. Keep engaging in activities and happy emotional opportunities like encounters with friends.
Get a check-up on your hearing and vision to uncover any issues. The brain cannot process what it does not hear or see.
From a practical standpoint, as I age I find it necessary to use a reminder system the minute I think of something. I may not remember it later! This can be making notes, keeping a small tape recorder handy, or using a cell phone to leave myself messages. I have a pen that lights up by my bed and a pad of paper, since I often remember something in the middle of the night. Oh, to be young again!
Dear Cari: I dread driving with my wife on road trips. She has dementia so we have difficulty carrying on a meaningful conversation. I try to come up with questions but it wears me out so I just turn up the music. I wish she would talk to me. Any ideas for a silent passenger?
A: According to how advanced your wife’s dementia is, you may want to play the games we did when we were children. What is the level of your wife’s ability? Can she play “I spy with my little eye something beginning with a T” and look out the window? When this cognitive game became too advanced for my husband and he could still read large type books, I had a “Silly Trivia” book with questions and multiple answers. As I drove, my husband would ask the trivia question and read the possible answers. We took guesses at the answer. It gave us a starting point for some conversation and laughs. Listening to old music from your wife’s past happy days, especially singing along, is another way to share fun times on the road.
If your loved one has agitation when travelling, engage the child locks to avoid them opening doors and windows unexpectedly.
Dear Cari: I hate to think about this, but I understand hospice is a service that can help me care for my dad when he is nearing the end of life. At what point does hospice get involved? What does it cost?
A: This is a huge topic for discussion. I can only offer some generalities in this column. Hospice care is administrated through many medical provider companies, according to your area. Some are for profit, and some are non-profit. Some have excellent reputations and others do not. Interviewing them prior to choosing one is smart, as you can then advise your doctor which hospice you have chosen when the time comes for the doctor to refer your loved one. Hospice is typically paid through insurance or Medicare/Medicaid once your doctor prescribes it. The requirements for hospice care often include a diagnosis that end-of-life is within six months. Patients who show improvement from this timetable may be taken off hospice programs. The hospice goal is to provide emotional, spiritual and physical help for both patients and caregivers. They can give detailed information via a phone call so you know what to expect.
Dear Cari: My sister used to enjoy swimming in the local pool, but now she won’t join me. I’m peeved to have to sit out with her during these hot days. Why is she so afraid of the water?
A: Your sister may be experiencing balance issues. She may have lost the skill or remembrance of swimming. This is scary for her, as scary as it might be for a child. If she trusts you, and you stay calm, take her in the shallow section and sit on the steps with her. Hold her hand and reassure her you are there for her. Do not push her, just relax. Flotation devices might be helpful, although something rigid and solid is more likely what she needs. Staying close to the wall so she can cling to the edge will help.
Cari Lynn Pace cares for her husband diagnosed with dementia. Helpful ideas like these are commonly discussed in caregiver support groups. Medical professionals must be consulted for any medical issues. Contact Cari at PaceReports100@gmail.com.