Harriette Cole: Only later did I realize what this date was all about
DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t like the current dating culture. Everybody seems to be on dating apps, but where does it get you?
My latest bomb was going out with a guy who said he liked to drive around to see the sights in my college town. That was OK and different until I realized that all he really wanted was to hook up.
I know that’s kind of how it is these days, but I would like more than casual sex.
Turns out, he was cheaper than most in that he didn’t spend one dollar on me before sex — well, except for however much gas he used.
I can’t be mad at him. I did it, but I don’t like it. I want more.
— No More Hookups
DEAR NO MORE HOOKUPS: Set your priorities clearly for yourself and make them known to anyone you may potentially date.
You probably have to look beyond dating apps as most people say they are best for casual encounters these days. Go back to the old-fashioned way of putting yourself out there in social settings and meeting new people.
Don’t do more than you feel comfortable doing, regardless of what your suitor says. Tell a date early on what you are looking for in your life, and find out if your desires match or are even close. If they are not, walk away before you catch feelings for someone who does not share your interests.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son rarely calls me or reaches out to me, and it makes me question whether I did something wrong raising him.
He is now a sophomore at a college halfway across the country. I was sad to see him go away, but I assumed he would call me first sometimes. I thought wrong; if I want to hear from him, I need to call him.
What hurts me the most is that when we do call, our conversations feel rushed, as if I’m interrupting his life rather than being a part of it. I try not to sound like a needy parent, but I can’t shake the feeling that I care about him way more than he cares about me.
I find myself replaying old moments from his childhood, wondering if I did a poor job raising him and that’s why he doesn’t call.
I am proud of the independent young man he’s becoming, and I know college is a time when friendships, classes and new experiences take priority. Still, I didn’t expect to feel this invisible. I don’t want to guilt him or make him feel pressured to check in, but I don’t want to quietly accept a relationship that feels one-sided and transactional.
How do I keep a healthy relationship with my son during this stage of his life without pushing him away or blaming myself for something I may not have done wrong?
— No Contact
DEAR NO CONTACT: Find a moment when you think your son is paying attention, and tell him that you wish he would call you more. Tell him you miss him and want to maintain a close relationship with him. All you can do is be honest.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.