9 Things I Wish People Understood About Living With Asperger's
I might be different, but I like the way I see the world.
1. Being "normal" is hard work.
I found out I had Asperger's syndrome (a type of autism) when I was 15 years old. Because of my Asperger's, I didn't develop the same way as my peers. When my classmates learnt how to socialise and communicate, I struggled to relate to the world around me.
I tried to keep my Asperger's hidden. I spent years trying to study the "rules" of communication and I obsessed over learning how to be "normal". I developed flow charts and diagrams. I basically analysed other people's behaviour as if I was a behavioural psychologist.
I don't think many people realise how much effort, energy, and dedication goes into me wanting to appear normal.
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2. The outside world can be a terrifying place.
Imagine this: You're in a room filled with people talking loudly, and there are 10 different radios blasting white noise across their speakers. Add a ticking clock, a nasty smell, a throbbing headache, and the noise of a traffic jam. That's what the outside world can feel like for me.
The machinery in my brain designed to organise and process the sensory world doesn't quite work properly. It's a bit like the volume button on a remote control being broken.
The outside world isn't only exhausting but can also feel terrifying, because I'm bombarded by so much sensory information, and sometimes my anxiety levels skyrocket. To calm down I often lock myself in a cubicle in a public bathroom so I don't worry about the rest of the world seeing me freak out.
3. I'm not being rude.
My brain isn't wired to focus on people's voices; in fact, I have to work very hard to listen to what people are saying. Sometimes I'll write down what they're saying or repeat it back to myself under my breath. I also struggle with people's names and faces, which can make me seem rude or uncaring if I don't recognise them.
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