Dear Abby: My boss betrayed my confidence and I had to quit my job
Now he's acting all buddy-buddy. Can I reveal my contempt for him?
DEAR ABBY: I worked for 11 years in the accounting department of a busy law firm.
During my tenure, my three much younger colleagues married and started families. Due to the inevitable trials of raising kids, planned, unplanned and often simultaneous absences became commonplace, which left me to run the department alone.
During my last performance review, which I presumed to be confidential, I shared with our boss my exhaustion and health-impacting stress. My appeal for additional personnel was rejected.
Rather than address the matter in the context of firm productivity, our boss informed each of my co-workers that I had complained about their chronic absenteeism, drawing charges that I, a middle-aged male with no children, was “insensitive” to their familial obligations.
I mended fences to the best of my ability but resigned shortly thereafter.
I never confronted my boss, and he was never aware I had any knowledge of his manipulation. He now contacts me monthly to feign concern for my health and tell me how much I am missed, all of which is disingenuous.
As my former colleagues have now left the firm and face no retribution, I would like to end his contacts with an appropriate expression of my contempt. Or should I simply block him and be done with it?
— MOVED ON IN ARIZONA
DEAR MOVED ON: As a former employee of that firm, you are under no obligation to have any more contact with your former boss.
If you are still in the working world, refrain from venting about your contempt. Simply express that you prefer he not call you again. If he asks why, you would be within your rights to tell him you know he violated your confidence and that is why you left the firm.
DEAR ABBY: Last year, I reconnected with a childhood friend.
We met for dinner a few times with our husbands, and everything seemed fine. She keeps asking us to take a trip with them, but I don’t feel we know them well enough to spend that much time with them.
I’m also becoming uncomfortable when we are together.
She says things like she told her mother she was meeting me for dinner and her mother said, “I’m jealous.” Her husband tells me she says I’m her favorite person ever. She constantly sends me silly things on social media.
I have now backed off even meeting them for dinner because I feel crowded by her.
She recently texted me asking if she had done anything to offend me. I explained that I had a lot of work issues right now and was not good company — I hoped it would be enough.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I don’t want to encourage her friendship, either. Should I leave it alone, or say something more?
— SMOTHERED IN GEORGIA
DEAR SMOTHERED: Listen to your intuition. I don’t think you need to do more than you are already doing, which is distancing yourself.
If you are confronted directly again, remind her that you and your husband are busy people and you do not have the time to devote to cultivating a closer social relationship.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.