Harriette Cole: We were brides at the same time. Now she’s happy and I’m miserable.
Plus: I fix my co-worker's messes, and everybody else thinks he's great.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently caught up with an old friend of mine. She and I both got married around the same time, more than 20 years ago. She got divorced at least 10 years ago, around the same time that I started seriously thinking about it.
All these years later, I’m still miserable, and she seems to be happy. She is single, but she has a great guy in her life. I saw the two of them together, and she seemed content. Meanwhile, I am miserable.
Should I consider this to be a sign? Should I get divorced?
Is It Time?
DEAR IS IT TIME? Your friend’s life is her own, not yours. Of course you can observe her and see how her choices have played out, but you cannot think that your life will unfold like hers if you make a similar choice. The two of you are different people.
You can and should look closely at your own life and marriage. Ask yourself what is working and what is not. Drum up the courage to talk to your spouse. If you can, talk honestly with each other about what you want in life and in your future.
Do not tell your spouse you have been thinking about divorce for 10 years. Instead, consider whether you can reignite your connection. If not, respectfully plan your departure, but don’t be cruel in the process.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a team for about a year, and one member of the group is the weak link. His shortcomings directly impact me every time we work together.
I have brought my concerns to his attention pretty much every time there is an issue. Still, nothing happens.
I did tell my boss after a few months because it got under my skin that he was getting credit for work that I was doing on his behalf. Everybody thinks he is great, but I’m the one following behind him doing everything to make it great. I don’t think he even realizes how poorly he does his job, in part because I can’t help but fix the errors.
Finally, my boss decided to speak to him about his work. It got really uncomfortable because this man then thought of me as a traitor.
How can I get him to understand how to do his job better? Since they aren’t firing him, I’m not sure what to do.
Do Your Job
DEAR DO YOUR JOB: Since your boss did speak to your co-worker, go back to your boss and ask for a plan of action to get the work done better. Mention that things are awkward now, and you need support in getting the work done between you two.
As far as your co-worker is concerned, be upfront about the situation. Remind him that you have spoken to him on several occasions about the quality of his work. Ask him if he is willing to try harder to do a better job. Apologize for having to report him to your boss. Explain that if he is willing to work harder to become proficient, everything can get easier, but right now his inefficiency is causing a problem for you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.