Harriette Cole: I’m stunned that my husband didn’t protect me from her
His nonchalance ruined what should have been a wonderful experience.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, which should have been a moment of pure joy and excitement. Unfortunately, my husband’s mother had other plans.
Despite my wishes, my mother-in-law insisted on being in the delivery room during the birth of our child. This was not a decision that my husband and I had discussed beforehand, and I was caught completely off guard. I did not want her there.
To make matters worse, my husband did not stick up for me when I expressed my discomfort and asked for his mother to leave the room. He simply brushed off my concerns and said that his mother was excited to be a part of the experience.
I was left feeling unsupported and violated during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.
How do I move forward with my husband and mother-in-law? We haven’t discussed the situation since, and it’s been almost a month.
— New Mom
DEAR NEW MOM: You must talk to your husband about this and let him know how violated you felt during this vulnerable time.
Further, you need to establish with him boundaries around how others, including his mother, can enter your space.
Yes, that may seem extreme, but it is true. It is challenging and amazing to be a new mom and to learn so many things about caring for your baby. You need the people closest to you to be in alignment with your needs and desires.
Ideally, you should speak to your mother-in-law, too. You can say to her that you understand how excited she was about your baby’s birth, but that it upset you when she didn’t honor your wishes. Moving forward, you need her to respect you. Ask for her to support you in that way.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My elderly neighbor puts out his trash on time each week, but it is never organized well.
The bags typically are not properly tied. The outdoor cans aren’t secured, which means raccoons and other creatures often knock them over. Then there’s a big mess to clean up that he attempts to handle — but never successfully.
Later, when he’s not looking, I come behind him and clean up and hose the sidewalk.
He is a proud man, but he is also an aging man. I want to help him with this necessary chore. How can I do so without hurting his pride?
— Empty the Trash
DEAR EMPTY THE TRASH: You can go to him directly and offer to handle his trash for him weekly.
Tell him you have noticed that sometimes the cans aren’t secure. Ask him if you can help make sure everything is set and safe for your cans — and his. Go a little further and ask if he would let you handle that chore for him.
You are already doing your own; you would be happy to help a neighbor out by coming over and sorting his out for him. That’s what neighbors are for!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.