Harriette Cole: Is it a red flag that he wants me to ride a bus to our first date?
He has a car, but he didn't offer to pick me up.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started talking to a guy I met on a dating website. He seems really sweet, and we’ve had great conversations.
He lives one town over from me; I don’t have a car, but he does. When we discussed meeting up, he suggested that I take the bus to his city. While I appreciate his eagerness to meet, I can’t help but feel a little insulted that he would suggest I take public transportation instead of just offering to drive over to me.
Is this a red flag, or am I overthinking it?
Insulted
DEAR INSULTED: Speak up. It makes perfect sense that you would appreciate this man either coming to pick you up or meeting you in your town. If that’s what you want, say so. See how he responds.
Yes, you can consider his suggestion a red flag — but not necessarily a deal breaker. Who knows what his past experiences have been to make him think it was a good idea? I’m amazed at how many people do not demonstrate basic manners.
Rather than being upset with him, tell him what you want. If he willingly complies, move on to the next experience. Notice how he behaves, how he treats you and what his values are.
Definitely bring your own money. A man who doesn’t think to pick you up probably isn’t thinking he should pay for your meal.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student, and I go to school out of town. I got my first and second tattoos in the past couple of weeks before I came home for the summer.
My parents have been pretty against the idea of me getting any since I started drawing on myself with markers in elementary school. They can appreciate the art form on other people but are generally opposed to the idea on me.
I always liked tattoos, and I have planned out several that I want to get over the years, but I am not sure how to introduce the idea to them or start a conversation about the ones I already have.
How should I approach that conversation without sounding too harsh about their stance on tattoos and about my plans for more in the future?
Parents Vs. Tattoos
DEAR PARENTS VS. TATTOOS: Do you understand your parents’ position about tattoos, and have you taken their thinking into consideration at all? For example, are you placing your tattoos strategically so that you can cover them in case a potential employer frowns on them?
Chances are, your parents’ apprehension has to do with the big picture. Tattoos are so common now that everyone from business executives to schoolteachers sport them. Still, you want to keep your options open for however your life unfolds.
You can tell your parents that while you understand their perspective, you decided you wanted tattoos anyway, and you have gotten two. You can explain you are showing them out of respect, so that they know. Acknowledge that you know they don’t approve, but you wanted to tell them to be sure that they learned it from you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.