Harriette Cole: Why should my boss care that I’m bad at parties?

I didn't get the promotion, and I suspect it had nothing to do with my work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got passed over for a promotion at my job, and I am wrecked.

I do not hang out with my co-workers at the end of the day. I do not drink. I stick to myself and go home when the work is done. I feel like I may have been penalized for not being social with the team.

I want to talk to my boss about it and see what I can do to prepare for a promotion. I don’t want to complain, but I do want to set myself up for success. How should I bring this up?

— Overlooked

DEAR OVERLOOKED: Schedule a meeting with your boss, and have a list of things that you have accomplished that have benefited your company so that you can share them.

Start by saying how much you enjoy working at this company, what you have learned and that you believe you have been doing a good job. Point out a few of the highlights of your accomplishments this year as examples of your hard work. Then tell your boss you were disappointed when you did not receive a promotion. Ask what you can do to position yourself better for a promotion in the future.

Listen to what your boss has to say. You can also ask if being an introvert is working to your disadvantage. Explain that you like your co-workers, but you mostly prefer to keep to yourself. Is that working against you?

Whatever your boss says, know that it is important to build relationships with people at your job. Work is more than doing the tasks at hand. You need to build alliances with others. You need people to have your back and to stand up for you. Make that your next priority.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been cleaning out my closet and have collected an entire wardrobe of barely worn clothes to give away.

There is a woman at my job who is about the size of this collection of clothes (smaller than I am today), and I know she could use them. She has a very limited wardrobe.

How do I go about offering them to her without making her uncomfortable?

— Making an Offering

DEAR MAKING AN OFFERING: Speak to this woman in private and tell her what you have been doing. You had been holding onto clothes that you thought were special, but you realize now it makes no sense to keep things that don’t fit. Rather than giving them to charity, you want to give them to someone you know who might appreciate them. Tell her you thought of her.

You believe they are her size and potentially her style. Ask her if she would like to see them. If so, arrange for a time to share them with her outside of the office. Be sure to tell her that they are a gift. If she cannot use them, she can feel free to give them away, or you can donate them.

Also, be clear that this matter is between you and her. If she wants, she can share that you gave them to her, but you will not be telling people.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.