Miss Manners: Why shouldn’t I touch his wife? I’ve known her for ages.
An innocent shoulder rub provoked this outburst.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend and I graduated from college together 50 years ago.
We have fished together all these years and had many wonderful times. I helped him apply for his first job as a teacher when he got out of the Navy (I knew the school superintendent). When he wanted to purchase some land on the water so he could sail, I helped him get approval for the lot.
He and his wife have told me many times that if it were not for me, they would not have such a beautiful place to live.
He and his wife would send Christmas cards and birthday cards expressing their love for me. He would say that I made his life a joy through my friendship, and his life would not be the same without me.
But during the last few years, he has changed. He doesn’t like my girlfriends, who he says are after my money.
And at the last birthday party they held for me, he said not to touch his wife! He said, “Keep your hands off her! Don’t ever touch her again!”
She was cooking meals for 10 people, lifting heavy pots, etc., so I gave her a 30-second shoulder rub. But I’ve known her for 45 years!
What is going on?
GENTLE READER: Well … it sounds to Miss Manners that your friend would like you not to touch his wife.
The wife may well have some thoughts about it herself.
As for the bigger problem, it seems your friend has started feeling threatened by you, for reasons either real or imagined. (Curiously, and in contrast, he also feels protective regarding your money and girlfriends.)
An apology about the shoulder rub (which, innocently intended or not, was an overstep) will present an opportunity to find out what is going on and if there is anything (else) you inadvertently did to anger him.
Otherwise, it is possible that you have become a target for his own problems. As you are not in a position to diagnose them, Miss Manners suggests you keep some distance while he figures this out — distance from both your friend and, it seems, his wife.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take senior ladies who are unable to drive to appointments and shopping. Occasionally, they want to treat me to lunch with them.
We always pray over the meal. The problem is that they want to hold hands during the prayer, but they have just been wiping their noses. I don’t feel comfortable touching their hands, then using my hands to pick up my food.
They get upset with me if I fold my hands in my lap instead. How should I handle this?
GENTLE READER: Pray that you remembered to bring hand sanitizer.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.