What Loving 'Tell Me Lies' Says About Your Attachment Style
Being a fan of Tell Me Lies generally requires a bit of a love-hate relationship with the egomaniacal Stephen DeMarco.
Jackson White’s character in the Hulu series, which is in its third season, has inspired many a think piece and thoughtful social media post about emotional abuse (justifiably), and even the most loyal fans of the show mercilessly rip into Stephen with memes and TikTok edits.
In short, being a fan of Tell Me Lies and its many toxic romances feels a bit like Lucy (Grace Van Patten) at the end of season three, episode five: masturbating to a recording of a vicious voicemail from Stephen.
In episode 6, we see our first public interaction between Stephen and Lucy since episode 3 and if the whole thing left you wondering what keeps you coming back to this show for more, you’re not the only one. We spoke to Thais Gibson, a relationship expert and founder of The Personal Development School, all about the never-ending appeal of Tell Me Lies and other shows about unstable romances.
“We’re often drawn to characters who embody traits we lack, repress, or are trying to receive externally,” Gibson explains. “Someone with an anxious attachment style may idealize emotionally unavailable or ‘hard-to-get’ characters because their nervous system equates love with pursuit and uncertainty. Someone with avoidant tendencies may gravitate toward independent or emotionally distant characters who don’t require vulnerability or emotional exposure.”
Escaping into a show like Tell Me Lies, or another on-off romance plot à la Heated Rivalry, can tell us a lot about ourselves, according to Gibson.
“From a subconscious perspective, attraction is shaped by comfort zones, unmet needs, and trait variety,” she says. “The mind is always seeking wholeness, and when certain traits haven’t yet been integrated internally, it will often explore them through fantasy.”
Of course, this isn’t to say that you’re looking to replicate any of the romances you engage with in the show. Please, don’t go looking for (or become) a Stephen.
“These stories don’t reflect what people want long-term; they reflect what feels emotionally stimulating or familiar at a subconscious level,” Gibson explains. “Just as someone can enjoy a suspense or horror movie without wanting to live in fear, engaging with fictional relationship dynamics doesn’t mean someone desires instability or emotional harm in real life.”
Your interest in the show may be all about escapism or, as Gibson notes, it may be a sign of where you are in your attatchment style journey.
“As people heal core wounds around abandonment, unworthiness, or fear of emotional safety, their attractions naturally evolve,” Gibson says. “When the nervous system learns that consistency, safety, and mutual effort are not boring but regulating, attraction begins to shift toward more secure and nourishing dynamics. So rather than revealing desire, these stories often highlight where healing is still taking place.”
Think of yourself as Lucy. In the midst of a bad cycle, but (hopefully) on to better things (that don’t involve Stephen).