Dear Abby: Teacher experiencing big changes in class and at home
DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married soon and I am very excited. It is a true blessing. I love my fiancee very much, and I'm happy to spend the rest of my life with her. I have one concern, though, and it is about her daughters. They are great girls. Both are teenagers. I have told them I will be whatever they want me to be, trying not to force any kind of relationship on them that they are not ready to have. My problem is, I am their teacher at the high school.
I have excellent relationships with both girls, but in an effort to make things as comfortable for them at school as I can, I have distanced myself from the other students. I have become grumpier, and I'm quickly becoming the teacher with a lot of homework that all the students dislike. I was always the "nice" teacher, so this is a big change for me. However, I have done it because the girls are grateful for it. The "meaner" I am at school, the better my relationship with the girls is at home.
The other girls in their classes gossip a lot, and they have said some disturbing things about me to the girls because I am marrying their mom. Am I doing the right thing? I'm beginning to be unhappy at work, but it is making my home life very nice with my brand-new family. — PROFESSOR MEAN IN THE WEST
DEAR PROF. MEAN: The right thing? Have you discussed this cockamamie plan with your principal? What is positive about going from being liked by your students to distancing yourself in order to turn your fiancee's daughters into teacher's pets? If this continues, they will be social pariahs. You should not have to choose between being popular at school or liked by your soon-to-be stepdaughters. In just a few years, they'll be out of the house, and you will be the most disliked teacher at the school if you are still employed there.
DEAR ABBY: I asked a woman I know out for coffee. She politely declined. I replied that I hoped my asking didn't make things awkward between us and that we could continue being friends. She agreed, and our friendship continues. I'm in my early 50s. I'm guessing she's in her late 60s or early 70s. I have always found more mature women to be attractive. We talk or text each other and, when the weather is nice, we talk outside. We actually had that coffee recently, which was platonic, unless I missed a sign she was putting out there.
Abby, do you think societal pressures hold people back from pursuing relationships? Should I try to stick closer to my age range? — READY AND WILLING IN NEW YORK
DEAR READY: There are any number of reasons why people hold back from pursuing relationships. Chief among them is lack of chemistry rather than age difference. From what you have written, you have been put in the "friend" category. If you are looking for romance, you will have to look elsewhere. By sticking to your age range, you will eliminate that one factor but not the others.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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