What do Holly & Phil serve at parties & how the King signs cards? These Xmas cracker jokes will leave you in stitches
THIS year’s top modern Christmas cracker jokes have been revealed.
And telly favourites Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield are in for a ribbing for their Lying-in-State queue-jumping.
TV channel UK Gold runs an annual contest to find the best original quips. Joker Claire Travers Smith, from London, won for this simple zinger: What type of peas ruin Christmas Dinner? MPs. Boom boom!
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the judges, said: “After another year of ups and downs, the public has delivered the laughs.”
Here are the top 20:
What type of peas ruin Christmas Dinner? MPs.
Why does Kate Bush need to turn the heating off? She’s running up that bill.
How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards to his family? From The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.
What’s the difference between Liz Truss and a shepherd? One U-turns and the other turns ewes
Why are Will Smith and Chris Rock not having turkey this Christmas? They’ve got beef.
Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.
What crisps do Phil and Holly serve at their Christmas party? Skips.
Why are the Government having problems with their own version of the Nativity? They can’t find three wise men.
What do people heating their homes and wrapping paper have in common this Christmas? Both of them are getting ripped off.
How can you keep your home warm this Christmas? Tinsulation.
Father Christmas has been affected by the cost of living. He says it’s just two deer this year.
How do you keep Christmas dinner warm? Give the pigs electric blankets.
Why are Russian oligarchs feeling chilly this Christmas? Their assets are frozen.
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph afford a room for the night? Inn-flation.
Why are our chocolate coins smaller this Christmas? Because the Pound is shrinking.
How do you get to Boris Johnson’s Christmas do? Through the Partygate.
What’s the most popular Christmas song during a cost-of- living crisis? Baby, It’s Cold Inside.
What word game do reindeers play when they’re bored? Herdle.
What is the Euro 2022-winning Lionesses’ favourite Christmas song? Deck The Balls.
What is Emma Raducanu’s favourite Christmas film? Love-15, Actually.