I’ve been shamed for boobs since I was 13 – trolls call me a ‘s***’ & teachers told me to cover up, says Ashley James
SCROLLING through the comments on her Instagram, Ashley James lets out a heavy sigh.
The mum-of-two has just posted a snap of herself smiling lovingly as she breastfeeds her 11-month-old girl, Ada.
But already the trolls are wading in with vile attacks.
From comments like “attention seeker” and “put them away” to more blatant slurs, including “bimbo” and “slag”, the hate is coming in thick and fast.
And as much as Ashley tries to focus on the dozens of positive remarks, she can’t help but take the nasty ones to heart.
“Since becoming a mum, there’s an amazing amount of support, but there’s also the dark side — the trolling, the judgment, the shame,” says the 36-year-old.
“And it usually comes from other women — and, sadly, other mums.”
Ashley, who also has son Alfie, three, with her advertising executive partner Tommy, regularly shares snaps and videos of herself breastfeeding on social media.
If people want to judge, then they are very much the problem
Ashley James
She says: “I get called attention seeking, but I have my baby, whose only way of being fed is on the boob.
“It’s not a sexual thing. If people want to judge, then they are very much the problem.”
Ashley’s mum-shaming ordeal began soon after Alfie was born in January 2021.
She recalls: “I became a mum in lockdown, so there were no classes and there were no groups.
“So I would be on my phone with my baby on the boob, talking about piles and prolapse and recovery from childbirth.
“And I’m doing that because I want male attention?”
For Ashley, negative remarks about her body are, sadly, nothing new.
The broadcaster, who lives in London, says she has been plagued with shaming and sexualised comments since developing size 30GG breasts at age 13.
The hurtful slurs continued into her twenties, and then into motherhood as she shared her breastfeeding journey with her 349,000 Instagram followers.
Speaking to Fabulous for Shamed, a new YouTube series which explores the effects of trolling on six famous women, she says: “I promise you, no one with big boobs is trying to attract attention.
“We just want to exist in the body that we have.”
I was told that if I wanted to be taken seriously, I had to dress a certain way and I didn’t understand why
Ashley James
Ashley, who found fame on E4 reality show Made In Chelsea, says she “didn’t have any body hang-ups” until she hit puberty.
She says: “A lot of my issues came about when I grew boobs. I quickly went from having none to being a size 30GG.
“As a 14-year-old, I skipped that ‘cute bras from La Senza’ era and went straight to big granny bras.
“That was really hard, because there was a lot of sexualisation and shame.”
As a teenager, Ashley received unsolicited sexual comments from boys and men, and even teachers put the blame on her.
Once, before a school disco aged 14, she was told to cover up — despite wearing a “standard vest top”.
She says: “For me, as a child, there was a lot of confusion.
“I was told that if I wanted to be taken seriously, I had to dress a certain way and I didn’t understand why.
“I guess the teachers were trying to protect me, but it taught me my body was something to be ashamed of.
“Boys would make sexual comments about my body, yet I was the one blamed.”
Even today, Ashley worries that her boobs make people think she is promiscuous.
She says: “Whenever I get changed, even now I’m in my mid-thirties, I always think, ‘Is this too much?
“Do I look slutty? Do I look like I’m trying to attract attention?’ That’s what’s really frustrating.”
As a youngster, Ashley would buy clothes aimed at older women in a bid to be taken seriously.
Society’s hypersexualisation of the female body – specifically boobs – is the issue
Ashley James
She says: “I felt like I had to dress in clothes more appropriate to my mum’s age.
“I remember a boyfriend saying I looked frumpy. Needless to say, he quickly became an ex.
“I always felt like I was trying to find my ground – how to be sexy, empowered and confident, but also not make people think I was wanting bad attention.”
Ashley was so unhappy with her boobs that, at 15, she considered a breast reduction.
“I was really sporty and ran a lot, but boys would make comments,” she says.
“And I could also never find a sports bra. I remember wearing two or three and feeling really uncomfortable.
“So I went to see the GP with my mum.
“Thankfully I didn’t go ahead with it. I’m really pleased about that because my body was never the problem.
“Society’s hypersexualisation of the female body – specifically boobs – is the issue.”
This focus on her breasts has now followed her into motherhood.
She says: “Feeding is always quite a controversial topic as people feel very passionately about it.
It’s the policing of women, but it’s also telling a woman that, based on her body type, her body is too sexual to be shown
Ashley James
“But when you really advocate for breastfeeding, people think you’re against bottle feeding. And it’s not that at all.
“I never thought I would have breastfed for a year (with Alfie) and be doing it again (with Ada).
“I never put pressure on myself. It’s just what’s worked for me.
“But it attracts that same shame and negativity I used to get as a teenage girl.”
Opening up about the abuse she’s received on Instagram, Ashley says: “Before I had children, a lot of the sexualised, perverted comments would be from men – unsolicited d**k pics and all of that stuff.”
Now she regularly gets messages telling her to “put them away”.
She says: “I’ve had that my whole life, ever since getting boobs.
“Why do I have to cover up my body?
“It’s the policing of women, but it’s also telling a woman that, based on her body type, her body is too sexual to be shown.”
But Ashley is still bombarded by comments from men.
“I always get these weird guys in my DMs wanting to see my boobs, with comments like ‘lovely fun bags’,” she says.
“It’s just gross.
“I think social media should be trying to do more to police it and women shouldn’t have to be exposed to this sort of sexual abuse.”
Ashley says she “feels sad” for the trolls and tries to ignore them.
“I don’t want to see it because I can’t be bothered. It brings down the energy,” she says.
“It’s not that it hurts me, although on a bad day it’s not nice.
“I stopped trying to prove myself to people years ago. And ultimately we can’t make everyone like us.”
Ashley admits she still has a “love/hate” relationship with her boobs.
She says: “I would love to say, ‘I love my body now’ and that I don’t have body hang-ups, but I still resent the fact that I can’t wear the same clothes that other people do.
“And, after having two children, my boobs are like five times bigger than they used to be.
“I don’t love that, but I accept that I’m not the problem.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be like, ‘I love having big boobs’. But this is my body. This is how it’s made.”
