My mother-in-law narrated a cassette tape for our wedding gift – I haven’t been able to blot out all the graphic details
WEDDING registries exist for a good reason, and the gift one woman received from her mother-in-law proves just that.
A bride and her husband were shocked to learn what was on the cassette tape his mother gave them.
In a viral post, Reddit user Dry_Future_852 named her top three worst wedding gifts.
While the couple received a re-gifted kitchen appliance and six copies of an Evangelical prayer book, the poster insisted that the homemade cassette tape was the worst of the bunch.
She explained that her husband’s mother had decided to record herself giving some advice on married life.
However, the tidbits were more bedroom-centric than the Redditor had expected.
She joked that she and her husband had worked to blot most of the tape’s contents from their minds.
Despite feeling slightly disturbed by the tape, she revealed that she still had the tape “somewhere” in her house, even after 30 years.
Even after the significant amount of time that had passed and her best efforts to forget the how-to sex tape, she still recalled some of her mother-in-law’s advice.
“I clearly remember at least part of it that went something like, ‘[Dry] takes [groom’s] penis in her hand and strokes it gently,'” she wrote.
She added that the sexual directions were “interspersed with some prayers.”
“Like I said, I have stricken it from memory, but it resurfaces from time to time.”
The original poster went on to explain that she met her husband at a Christian college, which likely motivated his mother to offer some guidance.
“[She] probably labored under the impression that I was a much nicer, read naive, girl than I was,” the Reddit user explained.
“She probably supposed that our wedding night was going to be our first time.”
While she was still grossed out, the poster was able to offer her mother-in-law some understanding.
“We grew up in a cult whose main teaching on sex was that it was this ‘terrible, horrible, awful, dirty thing that you saved to do with someone you truly loved on your wedding night,'” she said.
She explained that her husband’s mother likely thought she was helping the pair to avoid any awkwardness or confusion on their wedding night.
The Redditor added that the older woman’s own experiences probably played a role in her decision too.
“She grew up in this horribly violent and abusive home and then married an a**hole who was two notches less a**-holely than her own father,” she explained.
“I really think she did it hoping for the best for me.”
Reddit users shared their thoughts on the unusual gift in the comments section.
“Your description of her intentions makes this both a really sweet and absolutely horrible gift at the same time,” wrote one reader.
“What the hell. There’s not enough brain bleach in the world for a sex ed class narrated by my own mother-in-law. I guess I do appreciate there were probably good intentions there,” said another person.
“Your explanation makes it sound like a sad and hopeful gift. Your poor mother-in-law,” commented a third Redditor.