“How much to put in the envelope?“ Kazakhstanis surprised by wedding invitation
Tengrinews.kz — Social media users are buzzing over an unusual wedding invitation. Guests were asked to attend without children and were given a specific minimum for cash gifts—15,000 tenge per person. While some labeled the conditions tactless, others saw nothing out of the ordinary. Tengrinews spoke with a wedding planner to find out the current standard for cash gifts at a "toi" and whether guests should feel obligated to "cover the cost" of their seat.
"No Children" and "From 15,000": What the Invitation Said
The invitation was reportedly shared on social media by one of the guests. In it, the organizers requested that guests attend without children, explaining that they wanted everyone to be able to relax freely.
Separately, they specified a minimum cash gift amount—15,000 tenge per person.
"Attention guests: wishing for everyone to be able to relax freely, we have decided to hold our wedding without children. We hope for your understanding!
Dear guests! If you wish to express your well wishes with a monetary gift, we would be deeply grateful for an amount starting from 15,000 tenge per person," the invitation reads.
It was the request for a specific amount that sparked the most debate.
Screenshot: Threads
Reaction in Kazakhstan
Many users admitted that a child-free wedding format does not surprise them. However, they believe that dictating the size of a gift to guests in advance is wrong.
"The part about children is generally understandable, but as for the gift size—it’s distasteful to specify an amount like that: people have different financial situations. The point of a 'toi' isn't to break even. If you don't have the finances, it’s better not to host it or to invite fewer people," one commenter noted.
Another user called the decision regarding children a good idea, but described the request for money as "barbaric."
At the same time, some commenters sided with the newlyweds. They pointed out that guests sometimes arrive in large groups, give a small amount, and yet expect a full-scale banquet.
"No, this is right! Apparently, they’ve been pushed to the limit by people who give 10,000 but bring everyone except the cats and dogs, and then eat enough for a whole foal! We don't know the people they associate with, so it's probably wrong to judge them. But warning about the children—that’s a good thing," a social media user wrote.
Another participant in the discussion noted that today’s banquet costs can be quite high, and guests should at least consider the expenses of their own seat.
How Much is Customary to Give at Weddings Today?
We spoke with Almaty-based wedding planner Aizada Abdilda, who works with premium venues.
According to her, a banquet at such establishments can cost an average of 70,000 tenge per person. However, even an expensive wedding does not necessarily pay for itself through gifts.
"In my experience, wealthy people don't go into a wedding expecting to cover the budget with cash gifts from guests. Everyone has different budgets and financial capabilities. Yes, people usually give quite large sums at such weddings, but you still shouldn't count on them fully covering the celebration's expenses. Generally speaking, a wedding almost never pays for itself," she noted.
When it comes to standard weddings, Aizada says the cost of a banquet can now start at around 20,000 tenge per person, and in smaller towns reach 25,000–30,000. This refers only to the menu—excluding the host, venue, program, and other expenses.
Therefore, as an informal benchmark for a gift, the planner suggests an amount of 30,000–40,000 tenge.
"If we are talking about standard weddings held by relatives, friends, and acquaintances, then in my view, 20,000 tenge is the bare minimum today. Even in small towns, a banquet can cost about 25,000–30,000 tenge per guest, and that's just for the food, without factoring in the venue, host, show program, and other costs," she noted.
Should You Try to "Cover" Your Banquet Cost?
In the planner's opinion, neither newlyweds nor guests should turn a wedding into a financial calculation.
Aizada advises future spouses to assess their means in advance and avoid taking out large loans for the celebration. An intimate wedding can be just as beautiful and memorable.
She also advises guests against borrowing money for a gift. After all, expenses may not be limited to the envelope: if someone is traveling from another city, they have to pay for travel and accommodation. Additional costs can also include clothing, shoes, makeup, and other preparations.
Therefore, the organizer believes that 30,000–40,000 tenge should be viewed only as a guideline, not an obligatory amount.
"I believe that an amount of 30,000–40,000 tenge is quite reflective of today's realities. For close friends and relatives, one might give 50,000 tenge or more. However, this is more of an unspoken guideline than a mandatory rule. Ultimately, everyone should give as much as their budget allows," a wedding organizer explained.
The question of whether to bring children to the wedding remains the couple's choice. The most important thing is to notify guests in advance.