Harriette Cole: Should I tell my family what’s behind my unsettling behavior?
Plus: My gay friend won't back off his crush for my brother.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling with nicotine addiction for a long time. I recently moved back in with my family and thought that now would be an excellent opportunity to quit, as I know they would not approve of my habit anyway.
However, I am really struggling with my withdrawal symptoms, and they have begun to question me on some of my behaviors that they don’t understand.
I’m scared to tell them what’s really going on with me. What should I do?
Recovering
DEAR RECOVERING: The best thing you can do is admit to your family what you are dealing with and ask them for help.
Nicotine addiction is real, and as you are experiencing, extremely difficult to break. Making your parents allies in your struggle can be beneficial to you. It is too hard to try to hide it from them as you are experiencing withdrawal.
Sit down and talk to them. Let them know exactly what’s happening. Ask for their support.
Meanwhile, get medical help, too. Visit a doctor who may be able to help you create a plan to wean you off of nicotine. Find out if there is any medication recommended to make it easier for you to get to the other side.
A ton of research has been conducted to help people who are suffering from nicotine addiction. Many people use psychotherapy to help them work through this challenge. There are also medications that have proven effective. For some of the research from the National Institutes of Health go to: bit.ly/3lfeHCW.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A male friend of mine has a crush on my brother, and my brother doesn’t like men.
I’ve already talked to my friend about this several times and tried to explain that my brother isn’t interested in men, but he insists that I hook the two of them up.
I plan to avoid having them around each other anymore because I don’t want there to be some type of awkward confrontation if my friend crosses a line.
What else can I do to ensure that my friend’s feelings aren’t getting hurt but that it’s still clear to him that my brother isn’t interested?
Give Up
DEAR GIVE UP: Does your brother know about this situation? Seems to me you should allow your brother to fend for himself.
Let him know the deal — including how insistent your friend is about him — and invite him to handle his own business. It should be no different than if a female friend of yours is interested in your brother and he is not interested in her.
You do not have to be the go-between. Let your brother stand up for himself and figure out how to say no graciously.
If your friend continues to pester your brother after he draws the line, you may want to nix him from your inner circle because he is clearly being disrespectful by not honoring boundaries. Again, that is not because he is gay. It’s because he is rude.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.