Miss Manners: I don’t know how to navigate my rom-com life
A year into our friends-with-benefits deal, I have a decision to make. Unrelated question: What's the thinking on indoor hats?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with this certain man for 10 years. One day, almost a year ago, he texted me asking if I would be willing to be intimate with him — no labels, just benefits.
I liked him, so I accepted his offer.
Almost a year into it, we are texting from morning to night, and I find myself catching feelings. If I tell him, I know it would ruin everything and end the friendship.
Should I be honest or keep silent? What to do?
GENTLE READER: Catch some feelings for another.
If your friend gets jealous and wants to consider changing his status, you may consider doing so. But if he encourages the new relationship, you will have your answer about his feelings. At that point, you can start phasing out the benefits, and hope to retain the friendship.
Miss Manners is aware that this plan usually only works in romantic comedies, but she maintains that the distraction will be worth the risk.
Dear Miss MANNERS: Is it still considered rude and stupid to wear a hat indoors?
GENTLE READER: Rude? Yes. Stupid? Depends on what is written on the hat.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please assist me with how to curtail a guest’s behavior that tends to disrupt my events?
I often host meetings for women’s groups that I founded and facilitate. One of my friends has been a member of a couple of these groups for some time. While I do not want to embarrass her, I am becoming increasingly annoyed with her actions.
She does things such as clearing the table — when she decides it’s time to go. Or she will take it upon herself to rearrange place cards, dismantle my centerpieces to her liking and flip lights off or on. I would not do this in her home, so I’m shocked that she continues to do it in mine.
She may have the best intentions, but this is disruptive to the conversation and signals to others that the event has concluded. She’s often done this as people were discussing something that really deserved their undivided attention.
This friend is a valued member, and she does add to the group discussions. At the same time, I think her actions are rude. What can I say to her without causing anyone embarrassment or awkwardness?
GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not generally like to give secondhand feedback — it tends to breed paranoia — this woman’s interruptions might warrant the approach of “I understand, but others might find it rude.”
As far as the house rearrangements, you may tell her firsthand: “I am so glad that you feel comfortable in my home and I hope that you continue to do so. But I set it up the way I think will work best for this event. Perhaps you would like to take a turn hosting the group next time?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.