Harriette Cole: Nobody is doing anything about my abusive boss
His behavior has caused me to shut down.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working at my current job for three years, and I was recently promoted. I am now working directly under the CEO, who has been verbally abusive toward me.
Although I enjoy my work, his behavior has caused me to shut down and has led to anxiety. I did speak to HR about the situation, but it seems like nothing has been done.
I am unsure about leaving my job because I do love what I do, but I am conflicted about whether to stay in this work environment. What would you suggest I do?
— Toxic Workplace
DEAR TOXIC WORKPLACE: You are going to have to speak up and defend yourself.
Next time your boss speaks to you in a tone that unnerves you, take a deep breath and tell him that it is difficult for you to do what he is asking when he speaks to you in that way. Ask him to stop yelling at you. Yes, that can be scary to do, but you have to try.
You can say things like, “Could you say that differently?” or, “When you speak to me in that way, it’s hard for me to hear.” You might also record him when he’s disparaging you and take that to HR as proof of your concerns.
Ultimately, you will have to decide if it’s worth it to work in a place where you are constantly under attack.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex recently contacted me and asked me out. We broke up last year because I didn’t like him smoking and drinking.
Since then, I’ve been focusing on myself and finding out what makes me happy. I’ve been enjoying the process of self-discovery.
In our conversation, he told me that he has stopped smoking and drinking and has turned his life around. However, I am not sure if I want to give him another chance, even though I still have feelings for him. What should I do?
— Second Chances
DEAR SECOND CHANCES: One year later may be too soon to revisit this relationship.
Getting sober is a slow process. Great for him that he is on the road to recovery. Just like your search for self-discovery, he should be doing the same thing so that he can learn how to cope without the crutches he once relied upon.
It is extremely hard to stop smoking or drinking, let alone both at the same time. Encourage him to stay the course and to take care of himself. Tell him you are proud of what he is doing, but you are not ready to get back into a relationship with him.
Focus on yourself for now. If you enjoy talking to him, you can agree to speak occasionally, but leave it at that for now. Do you. Put yourself out there to learn new things, expand your friend base and explore. Do not slip back into a routine with him just because he’s around.
This is your moment to explore who you are, what you want and what you deserve.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.