Harriette Cole: We split up a year ago, and I can’t stop thinking about him
My reclusive lifestyle fuels my daydreaming.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have not dated in a year, and due to lack of closure, I cannot stop thinking about my ex.
I have not thought about him as frequently as I did when we first ended things, but now that I have become sort of a recluse and do not go out very much, I have been daydreaming about it more.
I know I need to get out of the house. Last year, I would go out every weekend and meet new people, which may be because I was a college freshman in a new city, but it was also nice to meet people from different backgrounds and have a lot of options of people to start talking to.
However, this year, I barely go out, and if I do, it is to see my friends.
I want to get back on the horse, so to speak. I am past what happened last year, but I am not sure that I am ready for a relationship again. Do you think that I should start talking to people again? How do I do that?
— Turning the Page
DEAR TURNING THE PAGE: It is time to change your patterns. Being a recluse and spending time with only a small group of friends will not help you shake this melancholy. It is time for a radical change.
While you may not need to go out every weekend like you did last year, it could be wise to make a strategy for going out much more frequently.
Look around to learn what’s going on in your town that interests you. Plan to go to openings of art events, films, holiday bazaars — whatever you can do out and about. Join a club that does something you find interesting. It could be skating, drawing, coding. Who knows? Whatever looks interesting when you research activities in your area.
Push yourself to get out of your house and open your eyes to new friends. It will be hard at first, but you are worth it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m fervently dedicated to a cause and am currently spearheading a donation drive for the holiday season. The charity I support aids a population in dire need, yet I lack experience in donor relations.
How can I effectively approach potential donors or secure resources for this cause during the holidays?
— Supporting a Great Cause
DEAR SUPPORTING A GREAT CAUSE: What will help you the most now is your dedication to your charity of choice.
Learn as much as you can about it and the people it serves. Make a list of people you know and businesses in your community that might care about the work the charity does. Then visit the businesses and speak from the heart about the need that they can help fill.
Call or visit with your friends and tell them what you know about this great cause. Remind everyone that they can potentially get a tax write-off by being generous, so now is a perfect moment to give.
If you have data on how the money gets spent, be prepared to share that as well. People want to know that their money will be used responsibly.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.