Harriette Cole: I came home and my roommate was gone, with no explanation
She blocked me on her phone and social media, and I have no idea what happened.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently returned from a weekend away to find that my roommate had moved out.
I arrived back at our dorm room only to find it empty. My roommate of two years had moved out without any prior notice or explanation.
I’m feeling a mix of emotions — shock, confusion and a bit hurt that there wasn’t any communication about this decision. I have no clue what I did to make her move out without saying a word to me.
How do I navigate this situation and address the sudden departure of my now-ex-roommate? I can’t even contact her because she blocked all my social media and my number.
I want to understand the reasons behind her decision and ensure that I handle the conversation with maturity and respect.
— Gone
DEAR GONE: What a disconcerting feeling. It sounds wildly immature of your roommate to vacate without a single word. To block you on social media seems especially emotional.
Since you are in a dorm, contact the resident manager and ask your neighbors if your roommate gave any indication of what happened. Someone there is bound to know something.
Of course it will help to know what you may have done to upset this person. In the end, however, you will have to move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 29-year-old single mom to twin boys who are 6 years old.
Due to unforeseen financial constraints, I find myself unable to afford professional child care services. In light of this, I am considering asking my family for help in watching my kids from time to time. However, I’m concerned about bringing up the topic. I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or obligated, because I wouldn’t be able to pay them much or anything at all.
How can I communicate my situation to my family, expressing the need for their support, without putting them in an awkward position? I want to ensure that my request is respectful, understanding that their time is valuable.
Any advice on framing this conversation and addressing the financial aspect without making them feel burdened would be greatly appreciated.
— In a Bind
DEAR IN A BIND: Think about who might be the most receptive to helping you, and talk to that person first.
Be honest about your situation. Explain that you need help sometimes with watching your children. Admit that right now you cannot afford to hire a babysitter, so you are hoping that family members can help out on occasion.
Ideally, your family members would not charge you anything when they pitch in. Do not offer what you don’t have. What you should provide is food, toys and anything else that will make your children’s stay with them as easy as possible. Ask this family member to help you broach the request with others as you map out a strategy.
Additionally, look in your network of other mothers. I know of mothers who have forged tight relationships in their communities where they help each other by collectively caring for the children whenever needed.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.