Miss Manners: Can I announce my son’s graduation but not his screw-up?
I don't want my friends to know that he's being punished by the school.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My high school senior made a mistake, and the consequence is that, though he will get a diploma, he cannot participate in any senior activities — including attending graduation and walking across the stage.
I have already bought graduation announcements, and they all have the date and time for the ceremony. I can’t mail them now, I guess????
How do I let people know my first child has graduated, without letting them know he wasn’t allowed to walk the stage??
GENTLE READER: This is not your son’s finest moment. Miss Manners would think it in his best interest not to call attention to a situation that may get out anyway, as it is probably known to the entire school.
She suggests that you use the announcements as scratch paper, and merely tell anyone who would be interested that yes, your son has finished high school and is now … (fill in the blank: attending college, starting a job, or whatever he is doing).
DEAR MISS MANNERS: It’s nearing that time again: time for the ridiculous show of kindergarten “graduations.”
I generally decline invitations to any such events, but this year I have a grandniece “graduating” who lives in the same town I do.
I feel I should attend and do my best to limit any eye-rolling. Is a gift required? What does one get a 6-year-old for this event?
GENTLE READER: You seem to have difficulty appreciating the solemnity of the occasion and your grandniece’s mastery of academic skills. Therefore, Miss Manners suggests that you approach it, instead, as the young lady’s entry into (slightly) higher education.
You would not, then, give her a toy, but an introduction to a subject that interests you — science, art, history, whatever that may be. The present could be a book at the first-grade level or, better yet, an excursion with you to a museum, laboratory, national monument or such. Along with your sincere efforts to spark her interest.
Think of the future, when you attend the ceremony at which she receives her Ph.D. in this field. Then you will not have to worry about rolling your eyes, but about shedding a proud tear.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have, as close friends, two families in which the husbands — previously powerful, with highly respected jobs — have become disabled with dementia.
Both wives have explained that they have become caretakers for their husbands. You can imagine the tragedy; we are devastated.
My wife and I care deeply for both families, but we don’t know how to communicate with them now, or even if we should.
If we attempt contact, we may seem to be imposing and demanding a response. If we don’t, we may seem indifferent. Can you suggest the right path forward?
GENTLE READER: Pay social visits to them. Look for ways to relieve the wives — doing errands, bringing treats, staying with the husband so that the wife can go out.
But you were wondering if you should even communicate with these close friends. Miss Manners would have thought that the very concept of friendship means not deserting them because of their troubles.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.