Dear Abby: Close friends’ silence hurts after my wife’s passing
DEAR ABBY: I am trying to come to terms with the passing of my wife, "Charlotte," a month ago. Many old friends and family have been supportive. What hurts, in addition to my grief, is the silence from a particular couple.
For years, we were very close with this family when we both had young boys growing up. We celebrated all the joys and life-changing events together, including going out to dinner every Friday and vacationing together. Once our boys were on their own, we gradually saw less and less of the couple, but still kept in touch occasionally.
When Charlotte passed, they were two of the first people I notified. They were out of town at the time, so I postponed her memorial a day so they could attend. I felt they were so important to us that they should be there.
I have not heard one word from this couple! They live a mile away, and I haven't received a dinner invitation or even a phone call. I'm shocked by their lack of caring, knowing I am home alone and devastated over Charlotte's passing. A simple phone call to ask how I'm doing would be helpful. What do you think about this? — ABANDONED IN NEW YORK
DEAR ABANDONED: I am sorry for the loss of your wife. Because it is so recent, your pain must be overwhelming. Regarding this couple, I suspect that once your sons were grown, their friendship with you was already on the wane.
While it would have been compassionate for them to have stepped up when they received the news of your wife's passing, they (as many other people) may not have known what to say or do, so they did nothing.
If you wish to talk with them, by all means, call them. But when you do, do not expect them to offer more than cursory condolences. Concentrate instead on the friends who have shown they ARE willing to be there for you.
DEAR ABBY: I met a man online and have been dating him off and on for the past four years. His parents have been living with him since the pandemic, and I have yet to be invited to his home or to meet them. He is from Bolivia and says his parents want him to marry a Catholic Bolivian girl — and someone without children. I am divorced, American and the mother of two.
He tells me he's afraid that if I meet them, our relationship will be over. He keeps saying they are moving back to Bolivia, but they are still here. I also have never met his friends. He says he never does anything with his friends, between his parents living with him and studying for his architectural exams. After all these years, I have yet to meet one of his friends. What should I do? — OFF THE RADAR IN WISCONSIN
DEAR OFF THE RADAR: Recognize that this man may not have been entirely truthful with you about his circumstances. Bluntly put, he may be married, or he may not be who he has represented himself to be in other aspects of his life. Because your relationship hasn't progressed after four years of dating (off and on), what you should do is MOVE ON.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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