Everton 1 Burnley 0: Toffees finally end winless run to put Kompany’s side on brink of relegation to Championship
MOVE over John Bishop, step aside Stan Boardman. There is a new name in the frame to be Merseyside’s greatest comedian.
Not that Vincent Kompany and his red-faced Clarets left Goodison sporting anything remotely like a smile, though.
Any more than Sheffield United boss Chris Wilder and his blundering Blades had done 48 hours earlier.
Because in a city famed for its wit and sense of humour, twice this city’s Premier League clubs have been gift-wrapped goals by keeper clangers.
On Thursday, of course, it was Darwin Nunez’s in-off-your-backside rebound when a clearance from Sheffield United’s Ivo Grbic struck him and rebounded into the net.
This time it was Burnley No 1 Aro Muric, Kosovan king of the cock-up, who side-footed one against Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s right shin and suffered the same fate.
A case of anything you can do, we can do worse, you might say. And a priceless goal so laughable, Toffees fans were almost embarrassed to celebrate.
Actually, forget that. When you’re as deep in the you-know-what as Everton are – have been since anyone can remember, really – you’ll throw a street party for winning a corner.
So a gift-wrapped opener to help haul you closer to safety, points deductions permitting, naturally? We’ll have that all day long, thanks very much.
To be fair, Muric’s first half stoppage time clanger was probably the only way we were going to see the deadlock broken.
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Maybe that was the reason behind the Claret’s blunder…boredom. Let’s face it, Muric had hardly been overworked.
The kick-in-the-guts worse part for manager Kompany and co is that there was no danger, no risk, no need for Muric to leave his mates in a mess.
With the ball at his feet, and everyone waiting for the ball downfield, he dawdled, and dawdled…and dawdled some more.
Calvert-Lewin didn’t exactly steam in like a Viking raider to close him down. It was almost more with a sense of duty than determination that he set off towards the Clarets keeper.
Yet only when the Toffees striker was in his face did Muric seem to realise the danger. By which time it was too late.
And even then, by the way, he didn’t exactly panic into a wild slash in an attempt to avoid the danger. Even then he tried to play his way out of it with a clipped sidefoot.
But the only thing he picked out was Calvert-Lewin’s right shin, dangled hopefully in front of him.
And the look on his face at the slow motion rebound as the ball looped back over the horror-struck Burnley keeper and almost apologetically into his net said everything.
Not that Calvert-Lewin was hanging around to sympathise, mind. And why would he?
On Tuesday he ended a 24-game barren run with the late and unlikely penalty point saver at Newcastle.
Yesterday he finally got to remember how it felt to score one from open play. Although open play is probably stretching it, to be honest. Like it mattered to any Blue Nose, though!
Suddenly, after months and months of firing blanks, he has become a London bus-striker…nothing for ages and then two in the blink of an eye.
And boy, how Everton were glad of it. They hadn’t won in the Premier League since beating Burnley in the reverse fixture on December 16.
Their last league victory at Goodison had been against Chelsea six days earlier. Another without a win here would have equalled the 1937 club record of 14 in the league.
And when a lively start failed to bring even the merest hint of a breakthrough – fair amount of style but no real substance – the Gwladys Street was starting to grumble.
No wonder, then, that the more Everton started to drift down a road to nowhere in a frankly dire first half – until Muric’s side-splitter, that is – Burnley’s belief grew.
Indeed, if anyone was going to find a way through, they were the likeliest and twice James Tarkowski and Jarrad Branthwaite were called on to make impressive, if desperate, keep-‘em-out tackles.
Then, out of nowhere, Muric changed all that. Although it wouldn’t be Everton without a few squeaky bum moments. Probably because they couldn’t believe they might win!
Although the Clarets did their best to make that task a little easier, when Dara O’Shea got his marching orders midway through the second half.
The Irishman’s own shoddy first touch put him in trouble a yard in his own half, and Dwight McNeil pounced then set off for goal.
O’Shea’s attempt to recover was neither nasty or malicious, yet with no team-mate behind him, referee Michael Oliver was right to brandish the red card.
Even then Burnley raised pulses amongst home fans when Josh Brownhill whipped a curler just wide with Jordan Pickford beaten.
Yet for once Everton fans headed for home with a smile on their face. A gob-splitting grin, in fact…they had Muric to thank for that.