I will never get over losing Jamal, I regularly break down in public and I talk to him every day, says Brenda Edwards
SOME days the grief engulfs Brenda Edwards when she least expects it.
“It might be outside while I’m walking and one minute I’m fine and then the next I’m in tears,” she says.
“There’s no rhyme or reason as to how grief affects me, I’ve not got a manual for how to grieve. And so if I want to cry, then I’m going to cry.”
Brenda’s son Jamal died of a heart attack aged 31 at the family home in Acton, West London, just hours after he’d played what would turn out to be his final DJ set in February 2022.
The music producer, entrepreneur and founder of SBTV collapsed after taking cocaine and as news of the tragedy broke, tributes poured in from across the industry and beyond.
The-then Prince Charles called Jamal — who was responsible for launching the careers of Ed Sheeran, Stormzy and Jessie J — an “inspiration” thanks both to his work with The Prince’s Trust and his services to music, for which he had been awarded an MBE in 2014.
And over the past 12 months, West End star and Loose Women regular Brenda, 54, has shown extraordinary strength in continuing that work and making sure Jamal’s legacy lives on.
Along with daughter Tanisha, she has set up the Jamal Edwards Self Belief Trust which supports young people struggling with homelessness and mental health as well as offering them mentoring, apprenticeships and work placements within the media industry.
She says: “I’m trying to do what I can to continue Jamal’s legacy and a massive part of what he wanted to do was to help young people, to give them a voice, the confidence and something to believe in.
Inundated with messages
“He wanted them to believe that they could achieve what they set out to do and to give them opportunities when they might feel that there are none.
“And so that’s been keeping me busy.”
It’s keeping busy that has proved vital to surviving the heartache of her loss.
Home, says Brenda, “is not good for me” and so instead she has thrown herself into work, returning to Loose Women just two months after Jamal’s death and reprising her role of Mama Morton in the UK tour of Chicago, the show in which she made her West End debut, in 2007.
And TV viewers over Christmas will have witnessed her spine-tingling performance alongside Loose Women colleagues on Britain Get Singing, when she took the lead vocals on Bridge Over Troubled Water.
It was a display of courage which showcased her powerhouse of a voice and left the audience and judging panel, including Alesha Dixon, in pieces.
How on Earth did Brenda manage to hold it together?
“The truth is I didn’t,” she admits. “It was all in the edit.
“But I have literally not stopped since February. My daughter has helped me get through a lot and we are there for each other.
“We just put one foot in front of the other, really, with the help of great family and some amazing friends and people I don’t even know, some who had never met Jamal.
“It’s been heart-warming to see how many people care.
“I’ve been inundated with messages of support, comfort and encouragement to keep going and that is a big spur on for me.”
Even before Jamal died, Brenda had suffered more loss and sadness than most could imagine.
When she was four, her parents, Breta and Errol, were killed in a car crash just three days before Christmas, leaving Brenda and older brother Rodney to be raised by relatives.
The tragedy has had a profound impact on Brenda’s life and yet, remarkably, there’s no trace of bitterness or anger over the fact she’s had to withstand so much pain.
“It’s not anger,” she says, “it’s more the question of why. I wish I knew why.
“It’s been 48 years since my parents passed and I’m still not over that.
“I still cry every single Christmas and so losing Jamal is definitely not going to disappear.
“But I have to try to learn to live with it. Somehow.
“And one way that really does help me is by doing things that are positive and can help other people.”
Spearheading a new campaign with Virgin Media O2 and the British Heart Foundation is one way Brenda feels she can do just that.
The initiative will see defibrillators placed in every O2 store in the UK, all staff trained in CPR and customers encouraged to take part in the BHF’s online CPR training.
Research shows that if a defibrillator is deployed within the first minute of a cardiac arrest, the survival rate is as high as 90 per cent and Brenda has no doubt that the campaign will save lives.
She says: “It’s a real honour to be a part of this because it’s so important.
“And I’m really hoping that it encourages more companies to jump on board and get defibrillators into their stores.
“Cardiac arrest isn’t necessarily age-related, it can happen to anyone at any time, anywhere.
“But so many of us don’t have the confidence to do CPR or to use a defibrillator.
“Although 64 per cent of people know somebody who has had a cardiac arrest, only 19 per cent of us have had CPR training.”
It’s a cause that is particularly personal to Brenda, not just because of Jamal.
In 2018, her brother suffered a heart attack on a street in Bristol and his life was saved thanks to a quick-thinking passer-by.
Brenda says: “His heart had stopped but luckily a stranger walking past did CPR on him for 20 minutes until the air ambulance came and took him to hospital.
“Now he has a defibrillator fitted next to his heart.
“Jamal was always about helping people and so that’s why it’s very important for me to do that, too.
“I know that he would have been jumping all over this campaign.
“He’d be urging everyone to get on the British Heart Foundation website and learn how to do CPR.”
Brenda says she feels very strongly that Jamal is here guiding her.
She talks to him every day and there are signs of his presence that bring her enormous comfort.
“When I got Jamal his first video camera at 15, he used to film foxes in the garden and put them up on YouTube.
“Just recently there was a little fox who came to play with me. I’ve never seen a fox that close, but it came up as if it was one of my cats.
“His eyes were so cute, so big, so sweet and he was listening to me when I was speaking.
“Then I said his name. I said: ‘Jamal . . . ’ and that’s when the fox got up and walked away.
“So I had acknowledged that he was there and I will continue to do that.
“I talk to him every single day but it’s always bittersweet because I’m never going to get over this.”
Hearing from people Jamal made a difference to is another source of solace.
Brenda knew her boy was special, but had no idea how many lives he’d touched.
She says: “I mean, I knew he was busy, he had three phones, so I knew that! But I didn’t realise quite how busy he was.
“I’ve spoken to so many people who have said that whenever they were feeling low, Jamal would cheer them up.
“I’ve had messages from people saying they were close to ending their life, but Jamal had talked them down.
“That was really moving for me to hear.
“Life is precious and that’s why I’m focussing on young people with the Trust.”
As well as honouring Jamal’s memory with the Trust, SBTV’s flagship rap series F64 has returned to the channel, which is now overseen by Tanisha.
Ed Sheeran, who has been a constant support to the family, kicked things off with a freestyle tribute to Jamal who he has called his brother.
And Brenda is also managing a professional diary fit to burst.
As well as Loose Women, she presents on Songs Of Praise and QVC where she’s working on her latest style edit.
There is more musical theatre planned and she is considering recording another album, ten years after she released Where I Belong.
“Hopefully that will be something that’s empowering to people and will help them smile in the face of adversity,” she says.
“That is what I’ve always tried to do and even though it’s very painful, it’s what I will carry on doing.”
- BRENDA visited Virgin Media O2 as it partnered with British Heart Foundation to roll out more than 200 defibrillators across O2 stores in the UK. The business has been raising awareness of its defibrillator rollout and urging more people to learn CPR nationwide.
