I’m 43 & live at home – mum, 73, does everything, I don’t lift a finger…why bother when there’s an OAP around
After Billie Eilish finally left home at 21, we ask what is the best age to cut the apron strings?
When Jo McMillan gets home from work, she changes out of her clothes and throws them on the chair in her bedroom.
She knows that mum, Bathaline, 73, will pick them up and wash them for her, as well as clean the bathroom they share, cook the meals they eat for dinner together — and wash up afterwards.
At 43, single Jo has never left home — and rarely does her share of housework. And she has no plans to move out.
Jo, a youth worker, says: “It’s a standing joke that living with Mum is like living in a hotel.
“She’s the cook, the cleaner, the DIY-er and the gardener, she doesn’t ask me to lift a finger. I know I am spoilt.
“I’ll leave a pile of clothes on my chair and, in my head, I plan to wash them when I have more time. But the next day they’ve been in the washing machine, tumble dryer and are back in my wardrobe.
‘Me being there gives Mum a sense of belonging’
“I never expect Mum to pick up after me, but it’s quite nice! Why would I ever leave?”
The pair have lived in the same flat in Ealing, West London, for more than 30 years.
Aged 20, Jo got a job as a receptionist at EMI Records and dreamed of climbing the ranks and travelling the world.
She says: “When I was 16 I used to think, ‘When I get to 18 I’m moving out, where I live is so boring’. I was going to travel and saw myself visiting Mum now and then.
“When that didn’t work out, I went to study music management at university.
“When I looked at places in certain areas of London where I wanted to live, I couldn’t afford any of them. Friends who did leave have ended up back with their parents because they can’t afford the bills. The price of everything has shot up.”
So instead of moving out, Jo began contributing. She and her mum split their rent, gas, electric and other outgoings 30-70, with retired Bathaline paying the lion’s share.
But Jo, an only child, says her mum — who has raised her alone since she was a youngster — would not change it.
“Me being there gives Mum a sense of belonging and she feels needed,” she says.
“Every morning she asks me what time I’ll be home so my dinner is ready.
“There have been times I’ve forgotten to tell her I’m eating out with friends and rather than hurt her feelings, because she’s gone to the trouble of preparing a meal, I’ve eaten two dinners.
“Before I go to work I always make my bed, but when I get home I’ll have fresh bedding on there.
“Mum used to be a chambermaid and worked in five-star hotels.
“I’m used to everything being clean and tidy. It would frustrate me if I lived with someone who was untidy or unhygienic.
“If I try to cook, I never quite do it right. We bicker all the time if I use the wrong pan, or I put something away in the wrong cupboard.”
“Mum even catches the spiders in our flat because I’m scared of them.”
When it comes to partners, Jo says her living arrangements have put men off.
She says: “One man I met asked if we could go back to my place, and when I told him my mum would be there, I never saw him again.”
But Jo hasn’t ruled out leaving home if she finds Mr Right. She says: “If I met the right person I’d be happy to move in with them. Relationships in the past have never got to that stage.
“Besides, Mum has never asked me to leave either.
“Moving out at a young age means you don’t get the support I’ve had from my mum. I know that if I run out of money, get sick, or need support in some other way, my mum is there. Mum is like Superwoman. She looks after me — and I am always there for her.”
BATHALINE SAYS: “I wouldn’t have minded too much if Jo had moved out in her teens, or even now, but I know renting can be tricky and how hard it is to buy a house.
“If I had enough money I would buy Jo her own flat so she could have a little bit of independence.
“I don’t mind paying the majority of the bills because it means she can put more money into her savings account each month.
“My ideal scenario would be the two of us moving into a much bigger house together. Somewhere we would both have our own space, but without being too far away from each other.”