I’m fed up of keeping dad’s sordid secrets and if he doesn’t tell mum I will
DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad can’t keep it in his trousers, and since discovering he has been cheating on my mum for a second time, I’m threatening to tell her the truth.
I was so angry with him when I came home unexpectedly and caught him in bed with our neighbour.
Mum was at work.
I’m a 23-year-old man and my dad is 56. My mum is 52. They have been together for 30 years.
Ever since I can remember, Dad has had an eye for the ladies. He’s a charmer and a flirt.
I never thought he meant anything by it, until a few years ago when he went outside with his phone and I overheard him talking to a woman, telling her he loved her and how he couldn’t wait to be with her again.
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I confronted him and he admitted he was having an affair with someone from work.
He promised it was just a one-off. He said he and Mum were having some problems and he’d been weak and stupid.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt on that occasion — but this time I’m mad. I told him if he didn’t tell Mum, I would.
Dad says it will break her heart if she finds out and he has begged me for another chance. I don’t know what to do.
He pleaded with me not to say anything and swore he would end the affair.
He says he loves Mum and doesn’t want to lose her. However, I don’t trust him or understand why he keeps cheating.
So far, I haven’t said anything. I don’t want to devastate Mum. But if I keep this to myself again, it feels like I’m colluding with Dad.
It’s not fair.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your father has put you in an impossible position.
Either you lie to your mother by omission, or you hurt her with the truth.
You need to explain to him the mental burden he has loaded on to you.
Give him the opportunity to talk to your mum.
Ask him to read my support pack about cheating and to get help. But make it clear you won’t lie for him again.
It’s possible your mum already knows or suspects he is a cheat.
We never know exactly what goes on in other people’s relationships.
And don’t deal with this alone.
Read my support pack, Worried About Mum And Dad.
Also contact The Mix (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994), which helps under-25s.