I feel bad to walk out on my abusive partner after he suffered a stroke
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS about to leave my abusive partner when he had a stroke.
Now he’s on the mend, but I don’t know how I can walk away when he still needs my support – even though I know he doesn’t deserve it.
I’m 48 and he’s 52. We’ve been together for 15 years.
When we first met, he treated me like a queen – he was affectionate, attentive and generous. But then we moved in together and things changed.
I realised he was a charmer and a chancer.
He didn’t contribute to the bills and he was repeatedly unfaithful. He was also controlling.
When he got drunk, he’d make me feel worthless. When he sobered up, he’d apologise and tell me he loved me.
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Then the cycle would start again.
Over the years, I became a shadow of myself. Finally, last year, I realised that if I stayed with him I’d always be unhappy.
So I started making plans to leave. And then he went and had a stroke.
I couldn’t walk out on him when he couldn’t move or talk properly. I’m not cruel or heartless. So I stayed to nurse him.
Now he’s mobile again and slowly recovering, I need to end the relationship. But he keeps telling me how much he needs me.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have put up with years of abuse and you’ve sacrificed the last year to care for your partner because you’re a good person.
Now it’s time to put yourself first. You owe him nothing and others can care for him.
Please take advice from Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) or call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) to help you leave safely.
My support pack, Ending A Relationship, should help too.
Do lean on supportive friends or family members.
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